Thursday, July 31, 2008

Estelle Getty, R.I.P.

I was just as saddened as the next person to hear about Estelle Getty's passing last week. I celebrated her life by calling my grandmother up and telling her how much I love her using the Blue Iris soundboard.

These ladies went a different route and held their own private "Golden Girls" memorial luau. Hey, we all grieve in different ways.

When Estelle's in heaven, I'm sure this guy is providing the party music, and later giving her the pounding she always wanted:

Awkward Situations

What's more awkward than running into someone you slept with at a party?

Running into 2 people you've slept with at a party.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Limo Parties

When you see a limo, don't you think to your self, "ooh, I wonder who's inside?! Some head of state, or maybe a movie star? A celebrity on their way to a red carpet event?"

Nope, it's usually this girl. In all limos, all the time.

Fuck All Y'all

Some girls don't need the Milton Bradley box of drinking games to tell them how to party.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ladies' Man

This guy has clearly by taking lessons from Mystery. He brings the women to their knees under his sexual goatee spell.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Meet My Two Dads

My mom wasn't sure who my father was, so I was raised by the two most likely candidates after she died. They were totally an odd-couple, one was a weed addict and the other was a beer addict. What a wild ride!

Here they are, at my graduation from the University of Phoenix:

Sorry I Missed Your Star Wars Birthday Party

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Long Lost Coors Lite Twin

The beer box hat I've seen before, but the Coors Lite cardboard sarong is something new. I guess everyday is a beautiful new journey for guys with giant tribal tattoos, right?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Hot Babe Party

He is about to go fuck the perms right off their heads.

Friday, July 25, 2008

After the Party, It's the Hotel Lobby...

"Yeah, around about four
You gotta clear the lobby
Then take it to ya room and
Freak somebody" (Ignition Remix)

Someone left a link to this pic in a comment. It's definitely happening in a hotel room. Everything I know about partying in hotels I learned from these guys:

Fag Tagged

This photo was just sent to me with the accompanying description:

"This kid was so drunk, he was speaking in tongues before he passed out on my driveway."

Been there, tagged that.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

How to Look Good Dancing

Sneak attack grind up on someone.

Hawaiian Shirt

He just caught a glimpse of his shirt in the mirror and immediately started puking.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Technology Advice

I'm no Joshua Topolsky, but even I know this isn't a good way to handle your laptop.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Anti-Drug

Everytime I think about smoking weed, I just imagine this guy, and the desire goes away immediately. It's like thinking about your grandmother naked if you don't want to get a boner.

Bad Location for a Pinata Party

Who am I kidding? ANYWHERE is a great location for a pinata fiesta.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Party Foul


Party foul, guy in soccer jersey:  Not knowing how to talk to girls and wearing a soccer jersey when not actually playing soccer.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Your Uncle Sam Wants YOU to Party

His favorite beer is Milkwaukee's Best.  Check out his 12 pack stashed in the stairwell...  I guess we all have a lot more in common with him than you thought, eh? 

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Pool Cleaner's Worst Nightmares

Nothing worse than a rusty trombone.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Get Out of My Dreams.....

.... and into my van.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Party Hints: How to Meet People

Sometimes, you'll find yourself in an awkward moment at a party where you don't really have any one to talk to. When this happens, I recommend you give a little impromptu demonstration of how you perform oral sex. It will make people instantly like you, and it also solves the problem of what to do with your hands.

Rize Beer

I had never heard of this Rize beer - I had to Google it as soon as I saw this picture. It sounds like it's a Sparks type drink, made by Miller. Remember a few years ago when Sparks was cool?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

New Friends Dancing Together

This is exactly what it must've looked like back around Cleopatra's time, when the Romans were visiting Africa.

Strip Poker Party

The combination of a collapsible camping chairs indoors, red plastic cups, and cans of Keystone beer means the evening could go a limited number of ways. The most likely way would be a bunch of frat guys getting drunk. The less likely option would be a girl getting completely naked by herself. I'm not sure what magic fairy dust made it go this way.

Full n00dz are in the photostream if you care to look, perv.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Party Genie

"Excuse me madam, I just wanted to remind you that your wish is my command."

I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night (and then pass out)

This blog is getting dangerously close to being renamed "Sorry I Passed Out at Your Party" (see previous examples). But when someone just sent me this picture of his friend passed out in full Kiss makeup, I couldn't resist.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

More Old Men with Guitars

Play me more of that sweet soft music on your guitar, my sensual troubadour!

Disclaimer: This photo isn't from Flickr; it's from FuzzySquid, a program that shows you the 50 most recently uploaded pics to LiveJournal. Thanks to Cullen for showing me this.

Puff Puff (I'll Pass)

The giant puff of smoke emitting from this guy reminds me of a video clip of Rastas smoking weed that Brendan wrote about recently. As he described the clip, "I think there might actually be more smoke coming from the pipe than smoke coming from a rocket ship launching."

This guy doesn't live up to epic natty dread mushroom clouds, but I'm curious why his shirt is so wet.

Party Hints: Guitar Hero pt. 2

Middle aged white guys with acoustic guitars are welcome at every party. Anywhere. No questions asked.

Disregard everything I said before about how busting out the guitar ruins a party.

Just kidding.

Friday, July 11, 2008

This Is Me

This is pretty much what I look like when I'm sitting around looking at people's Flickr party pictures. Except instead of a lively young girl surrounded by her attractive friends, imagine a scraggly loner crying, cutting, and trawling the internet for pictures of people puking.


There are so many uncool things happening in this party picture, trying to name them all is like a game of erotic photohunt but without the bad photoshopped tits.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Which is worse?

The tiara or the top hat?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Keg Delivery

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Thumbs Up

Nothing wrong with two nice ladies sharing a bowl.


What you are seeing is the tragic face of a man who is just watching his hopes for a HJ get filled with barf.

Monday, July 7, 2008

For One Day, Can't We All Just Get Along?

If you're a huge skinhead, a cool way to celebrate the 4th of July is to wrestling a much smaller guy in a tie-dye shirt. It represents the idealistic struggles while writing the Declaration of Independence between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in the hit movie 1776.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

How to Party Like an American

I don't want to harsh on the USA so soon after the 4th of July, but this is exactly what people mean when they talk about how the lower drinking age and wine culture in Europe means they have a much more mature attitude about drinking. The French might give their kids wine at dinner, but they don't binge drink. Us Americans, we package wine in a box by the liter, and then still can't get it fast enough, so we have to squeeze it straight out of the bag into our mouths.

This photo is of our nation's brightest law students at a party.

(Thanks for the photo, Richard

Who Doesn't Love Cake?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Living the Dream

Honestly, of all the party pictures I've ever posted, this is the one that I really really wish I hadn't missed this party. What you are looking at is pretty much the most ideal moment that a human could ever strive for.

1. Keg
2. Pool

Those are the only two things you need to transcend your mortal coil. There's just something about being drunk in a pool on the 4th of July that makes your heart want to burst with happiness. I was lucky enough to spend two 4ths in a pool with my friends Sara, Morgan, and Neal, and it was heaven.

Nice to Meet You

It's important to have your friends at a party warn you when you're about to meet a guy they know is sketchy. Look at the girl with the necklace try to give a signal to her friend. I wish she would be around me all the time like a guardian angel, just flashing the "sheeeeeeeeesh" face whenever I do something really retarded.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th Of July!

What can I say? I love the 4th of July! I love BBQs, I love drinking beer in the afternoon, I love stickin' it to the English, I love freedom.

The 4th of July is the opposite of other holidays like Christmas or Halloween where there's a lot expected of you. You're expected to buy presents, or you're expected to have a snazzy costume. The 4th of July only asks that you show up and get totally relaxed. It's an big eating holiday, but unlike Thanksgiving, the most complicated cooking involved is placing a burger onto the grill and then taking it off the grill.

So to put you in the USA loving mood, please consider these 4th of July parties from years past that you missed:

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Insert "Trashy" Joke Here:

"Last night me and Amber got TOTALLY TRASHED!"

Or perhaps a "Hefty" joke? Too mean?

It's Never Too Early to Talk to Your Kids About Kegstands

Parents are a bunch of pussies who put their kids in baby yoga and make them wear kneepads when they go rollerblading. It's nice to see that there's still some people out there who still subscribe to the old parenting techniques like making them smoke an entire carton of cigarettes if they get caught smoking. Trying to sneak a sip of gramp's beer? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH THE WHOLE THING!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

This Is What My Hangovers Look Like

Lewis Carroll dreamed up Alice In Wonderland when he had migraine headaches. When I get one after a long night of drinking alone in my special "weeping closet", this photo is the only image that blazes into my brain. Over and over and over.

P.S. does anyone know the significance of the colors in boot laces? Like if it's red, you're a Nazi skinhead, and white if you're a non-Nazi (something like that)... Does having one black and one white laced boot have anything to do with the fact that it appears this man has fake tits?

Letting It All Hang Out

This photo shows the downside to duct taping 40oz Colt 45s to your hands: You have to leave your pants unbuckled and unzipped because you can't undo them yourself to pee.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A True Enthusiast

Welcome to the House of Booze. There's a Budweiser mirror on the wall, a Jagermeister bottle on the fireplace next to another unknown bottle. And this guy? He's just representing what he loves most, wearing a Jack Daniels t-shirt.

The Best Band In the World

Whatever band is playing off in the upper corner is clearly the best band in the world, because no one can take their eyes off their set.