Most Depressing Bong Hit

This photo is captioned: "my first bong hit back after rehab".

Teens on Drugs on the Subway on Film on My Mind

Recently I was taking the subway home on a Friday night - about 8:30pm - and saw these awesome kids fucked up out of their minds on drugs waiting on the platform next to me.  They got on the L train from Union Sq heading into Brooklyn.

I started covertly videotaping them; I waggled my finger in front of the phone screen to give the illusion I was playing Tetris or something instead of videoing.  However, after a while, the guy started to give me a dirty look and started whispering to the girls.  All I heard him say was a hiss: "she looks like she shops at J. Crew."

There's two things that really get me about these kids:

1. It was February in New York, and they're not wearing jackets or even tights. She's wearing a tank top! Where are their jackets?! These crazy kids are going to catch their death out here!

2. It was only 8:30pm.  What kind of even were they on their way to at 8:30pm on a Friday that they had ALREADY taken drugs for?  Is there an early bird special at the drug dealer's or something?

I consider filming these kids my finest moment, and I'm so happy to share it with you:

Prom Mom

"Come here you have a little schmutz on there.  Let me get that off for you. Ugh, what is this, peanut butter? Why can't you use a napkin?!"

Insult to Injury

What worse fate than passing out after praying to the porcelain god than to be screamed at?

Real Life SIMYP Sightings

I love coincidences.  And I love getting emails from people.  And I love real life (kidding, h8 it!).  So getting an email from a reader that she saw someone from one of the pics on here in Real Life was pretty awesome.  I'll let her describe in her own words:

Hi. This may be a bit awkward, but I feel as though you need to hear this story.

First: I love your blog.  [I left this line in because I'm very very vain. -ed.]

Second: I FUCKING LOVE COINCIDENCES.

I have a coincidental story involving a gas station, an art show, a 14 year old girl...and your blog.

Back in April, my boyfriend and I went to a wedding an hour south of Pittsburgh, Pa. We stopped at this gas station to get energy drinks because, let's face it: Byzantine weddings are long and boring. There was a girl ahead in line with really awesome white/blue/purple/gray hair, who appeared no older than 14...buying whip-its and Rockstar. Sweet combo, right? Anyway, we trudged on to the wedding and reception, then back to the city for an all night art event. 

Around 2 a.m. my boyfriend's brother's band goes on and out of the woodwork appears...THE GIRL FROM THE GAS STATION. This wouldn't have been as "holy shit" if we hadn't been in the middle of Satan's asshole earlier, but trust me...it was in the middle of nowhere. Gas Station Girl started doing some sweet rave dances with some other prepubescent teens and having the time of her life. For some reason, probably because I'm a cynical bitch who was way jealous of her moves, I wanted nothing more than for this girl to GTFO...I didn't care where or how, I just wanted her out of my line of sight. Much to my chagrin, she wasn't going anywhere. She kept dancing and eating a Ring Pop into the wee hours of the night. 

The next morning I got online to check my Google Reader, which I hadn't done in 1.5 weeks, saw there were some posts from your blog, and promptly blew my load. Now what happens next is going to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.... I got to the post from April 19th and about shit myself: Gas Station Girl was in the photo. At first I thought I was going crazy, but then I checked the Flickr photostream and sure enough...those kids are from the Pittsburgh area. My boyfriend thought I was absolutely crazy and that it wasn't a big deal at all, as he didn't even notice this girl was at either place. 

The universe is crazy and Carl Jung had an inkling when he theorized synchronicity. I hope that story did as much for you as it did for me. Your blog is great.

Thanks,

Michelle

The pic in question (girl is in foreground, white shirt):

Ugly Hat Pigpile

That Thing Where

That thing where you find the Facebook of the girl who was a grade older than you and you thought was so cool and gave you your first clove cigarette and took you to the repertoire movie theater in the next town over and the it turns out that this is what she's up to now.

Schmoyal Schmedding

So today is the royal wedding, which I guess is a cool party I'm missing, but ask me if I care because I have my lonesome self and an internet full of strangers' photos to keep me happy.  Plus, all British people are good for is partying really hard and having great haircuts, so here's a bunch of photos from 80s British teenagers:

World's Bleakest Conga Line

Freeky Freezys

Wazzzzzup My Niggas!?!

Yo it's me, Lil' Madison here at this hella pimpin' prom. It's off the chizzy, yo. That's the word for chain. Got my boo Tommy T-bone here, he's got a dopeass matching hot pink cummerbund and tie that matches my dress. I look fly as hell, cuz hot pink is my favorite color, yo! My moms was all mad though, she said I was looking too sexy. Well, how am I supposed to look? You gotta let me be me, gotta let this sexy shine through. My pops was taking so many pictures of us at the house before we got in the limo, I was like "lmao, what are you, the paparazzi!?"

Ok, ttyl, gotta go sneak these Malibu minibottles out of my purse so me and T-bone here can get crunked up before we hit the lakehouse and I blow his mind with my special grape jelly handjob.

Teenage Caveman

My DEEP THOUGHTS are kind of on the same brainwavelength as an irritating 2nd grader, so a game I like to play a lot is called "who thought of that first?" Usually this goes back far enough to caveman times; things that are deeply ingrained in human culture, but are clearly culture, not nature. Like cooking an egg or eating the heart of an artichoke. Why would anyone look at an artichoke and think "maybe even though the leaves taste like poison and have sharp thorns, there might be something deep down there that's delicious if boiled and dipped in butter!"

I understand the biological impetus for genital copulation, but who was that first caveman who french kissed? Who looked over at Oog and thought, "golly, her gaping maw looks inviting - I'd like to put my mouth right on top of it and mush it around!" Or maybe there IS an biological imperative for mouth kissing - like the way birds instinctively know mating calls, maybe humans have a evolutionary instinct that says "I want to suck on the hole in your face where you stick your food in." I understand evolutionary biological reasons for why men are into big boobs and women are into guys that treat them like shit, but the kissing thing is still a mystery.

I mean.... would you want to stick your mouth on this?

More Songs about Barfings and Dreads

You may have noticed, there's two things I love: pictures of people barfing and pictures of white teenagers with dreadlocks. When the two get together, it's as if the world comes into clear focus. It's because that's what I want to do when I see white teenagers with dreadlocks: barf.

Worst Teen Wedding Bridal Party Outfits

Wheels of Steel

Teenage girl giving lapdance to another girl in a wheelchair while many other teenager girls look on?  Has someone been rifling through my wet dream journal?

You Can Never, Ever Go Back

Try as you might, unless one has a hot tub time machine, you can never go back and relive your prom and do it WAY better.

Comes Full Circle.

Match the colors on each side. Complete the chain. Ourobouros.

Rubix cube contestants Ramones tees:


Ramones interviews on Squirt TV:


I'm about 85% sure I sat next to Jake Fogelnest of Squirt TV on bench waiting for customer service at the bank recently. I desperately wanted to tell him how much I love this video clip of Joey Ramone throwing chairs of the balcony, but I was afraid for the 15% that it wasn't actually Jake Fogelnest and I'd just be harassing some hapless bank customer.

This was just the most boring celebrity sighting story ever told.

How to Score with Younger Chicks

It's My Party, and I'll Sulk if I Want To.

Disco Werewolf Bar Mitzvah