This Looks Like a Cool Party

Teens on Drugs on the Subway on Film on My Mind

Recently I was taking the subway home on a Friday night - about 8:30pm - and saw these awesome kids fucked up out of their minds on drugs waiting on the platform next to me.  They got on the L train from Union Sq heading into Brooklyn.

I started covertly videotaping them; I waggled my finger in front of the phone screen to give the illusion I was playing Tetris or something instead of videoing.  However, after a while, the guy started to give me a dirty look and started whispering to the girls.  All I heard him say was a hiss: "she looks like she shops at J. Crew."

There's two things that really get me about these kids:

1. It was February in New York, and they're not wearing jackets or even tights. She's wearing a tank top! Where are their jackets?! These crazy kids are going to catch their death out here!

2. It was only 8:30pm.  What kind of even were they on their way to at 8:30pm on a Friday that they had ALREADY taken drugs for?  Is there an early bird special at the drug dealer's or something?

I consider filming these kids my finest moment, and I'm so happy to share it with you:

Burning Man? More Like.... Burning Stupid-Man

One time I was at a roof party at one of those large buildings in Williamsburg where the residents share the roof.  This was quite a few years ago when a different type of losers and shitheads still lived on the Williamsburg waterfront (as opposed to the current losers and shitheads).  Some other tennants in the building also had some friends on the roof.  They were unsavory hippy types, and one of them started doing this assinine thing with spinning flaming things.  I don't know what the proper name for this activity is, and I don't want to ever know.  It's what's going on in this photo, you know what it is.

My friend Keren started yelling "GO BACK TO BURNING MAN, HIPPIES!" at them, which was the funniest thing to me at the time.  Hippies HATE it when you don't like their stupid fire-dancing displays.  They seemed so hurt and dismayed to be in a hostile environment.  Sorry nerds, Keren does not appreciate you.

Sexy Ladies

These are from some sort of lingerie themed party at a bar catering to Texas A&M students.

What a lovely reminder that human sexuality is completely repulsive and moronic at all times, unconditionally, end of story.

Lmao if you actually engage in genital-on-genital contact for recreation, you herb.

Doing the Mashed Potato in Tehran

Back in the 1960s, Tehran was a cool place and people dressed and looked awesome and were hip young cool people.  Then the Revolution happened and women had to wear burqas and stuff, blah blah blah, go read Wikipedia.

Point is, check out this amazing dance party from 1965 in Tehran;

Real Life SIMYP Sightings

I love coincidences.  And I love getting emails from people.  And I love real life (kidding, h8 it!).  So getting an email from a reader that she saw someone from one of the pics on here in Real Life was pretty awesome.  I'll let her describe in her own words:

Hi. This may be a bit awkward, but I feel as though you need to hear this story.

First: I love your blog.  [I left this line in because I'm very very vain. -ed.]

Second: I FUCKING LOVE COINCIDENCES.

I have a coincidental story involving a gas station, an art show, a 14 year old girl...and your blog.

Back in April, my boyfriend and I went to a wedding an hour south of Pittsburgh, Pa. We stopped at this gas station to get energy drinks because, let's face it: Byzantine weddings are long and boring. There was a girl ahead in line with really awesome white/blue/purple/gray hair, who appeared no older than 14...buying whip-its and Rockstar. Sweet combo, right? Anyway, we trudged on to the wedding and reception, then back to the city for an all night art event. 

Around 2 a.m. my boyfriend's brother's band goes on and out of the woodwork appears...THE GIRL FROM THE GAS STATION. This wouldn't have been as "holy shit" if we hadn't been in the middle of Satan's asshole earlier, but trust me...it was in the middle of nowhere. Gas Station Girl started doing some sweet rave dances with some other prepubescent teens and having the time of her life. For some reason, probably because I'm a cynical bitch who was way jealous of her moves, I wanted nothing more than for this girl to GTFO...I didn't care where or how, I just wanted her out of my line of sight. Much to my chagrin, she wasn't going anywhere. She kept dancing and eating a Ring Pop into the wee hours of the night. 

The next morning I got online to check my Google Reader, which I hadn't done in 1.5 weeks, saw there were some posts from your blog, and promptly blew my load. Now what happens next is going to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.... I got to the post from April 19th and about shit myself: Gas Station Girl was in the photo. At first I thought I was going crazy, but then I checked the Flickr photostream and sure enough...those kids are from the Pittsburgh area. My boyfriend thought I was absolutely crazy and that it wasn't a big deal at all, as he didn't even notice this girl was at either place. 

The universe is crazy and Carl Jung had an inkling when he theorized synchronicity. I hope that story did as much for you as it did for me. Your blog is great.

Thanks,

Michelle

The pic in question (girl is in foreground, white shirt):

The Help

What I find most disturbing is that based on their matching polo shirts, I'm the two men are waiters/staff at whatever Mexican/Caribbean resort these drunk women are going topless at.  Cool race/class/gender dynamics at work, my head hurts.

My New Boyfriend

Guys, I have a new boyfriend. He's a musician, he's so amazing and talented. He's a multi-instrumentalist. He plays the acoustic guitar, the djembe, the didgeridoo, the hang drum, and he programs sick dance beats in Fruity Loops.

He tells me that his life as a musician means that he has so much love to spread around and that he can't be tied down to just one woman, but I know that we're meant to be and he'll change his mind! I'm getting a tattoo of his name in Sanskrit tomorrow!

Goth Foam Party

Thanks to Genifer for this.

That Thing Where

That thing where you find the Facebook of the girl who was a grade older than you and you thought was so cool and gave you your first clove cigarette and took you to the repertoire movie theater in the next town over and the it turns out that this is what she's up to now.

How to Talk to Children

Little sonny, now that you're old enough to drink a red cup of Coors from the keg like a big boy, let me tell you some truths:

Your mom is grinding. That's what moms do. Moms grind. Moms are made for grinding and cutting crusts of sandwiches and then lots more grinding.  There's an r&b song about a guy who is getting an erection because a girl is dancing too close to him, and he's worried she might be feeling "a little poke comin' through... on you". That song is about me when I watch your mother grind.

Now let me get you a refill.

MILF Rave

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World's Bleakest Conga Line

Feelin' It

Dance Party

Grinding

Seduction is all about trying to trick someone into thinking you're not freaking the fuck out at how awesome it is they're letting you touch them, so it's really refreshing to see someone's face betray their 100% exact emotions at that moment.

DJ Blue Vest

Thankfully, the groom included his playlist in the description of this photo:

Theme to Star Trek (End Credits) - Trek Connection
Ready 2 Wear - Felix da Housecat - Devin Dazzle & the Neon Fever
Such Great Heights - The Postal Service - Give Up
Por una cabeza - Tango Project - Scent of a Woman
Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra
One Of These Things First - Nick Drake
The Way you Look Tonight - Hollywood: Hit Songs From a Golden Era
A Kiss to Build a Dream - Louis Armstrong - Hollywood: Hit Songs From a Golden Era
Miss Sarajevo - U2 - Passengers 1
Clocks - Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head

Everyone Looks Stupid Dancing

I bet this looked pretty cool when they were actually in motion. This guy has his own creative moves, maybe something he calls "the monkey strut" and his date pretends to be the seductive zookeeper. Too bad it just looks like this:

Dance Contest

Look, I don't have that good an idea what's going on here, but this photo was titled "Yahoo Punk Party".  So go figure.

Dunce Dance