Me and All My Friends

Oversized

Is this guy drinking beer from a Nalgene?  Blue Solo cup not big enough for you, pal?  Too busy to stand around refilling at the keg?

This is what makes America great.  Take a look a this group of cool guys and tell me you wouldn't laugh in my face if I said these guys were from Belgium or Moscow.  These guys bleed red, white, and blue.

Beer Pong Surprise

I was just looking through my gmail Drafts folder and saw a message from months ago with the subject: "balls", and only a link to this photo in the body of the email. No idea who I was planning on sending this to, but I'm glad I rediscovered it.

How to Talk to Children

Little sonny, now that you're old enough to drink a red cup of Coors from the keg like a big boy, let me tell you some truths:

Your mom is grinding. That's what moms do. Moms grind. Moms are made for grinding and cutting crusts of sandwiches and then lots more grinding.  There's an r&b song about a guy who is getting an erection because a girl is dancing too close to him, and he's worried she might be feeling "a little poke comin' through... on you". That song is about me when I watch your mother grind.

Now let me get you a refill.

U Mad?

Swinger Party Decor

I was trying to think of what to say about this photo - something about red underwear under brown tights looks like finding blood in the skidmarks in your underwear, or how she must be so wildly drunk she took her clothes off.  But then I scrolled down to read the description, and it's about 100 times better than anything I could have ever made up:

Title: "Amy's 1st Swing Party"
Description:   Husband and i are only going to soft swing she told me.

I negotiated her upstairs, and after the three articles of clothing were off, i did get her to fuck me and wife. She was not too worried about hubby at that point:)

Bwahahahah!!!  This really puts all the other details in the photo into perspective:  it's clearly some kind of Halloween party (you can see the pirate wench in the back).  Look at the spiderweb plastic table cloth!  Imagine you're throw a wild swinging sex party in your suburban home, and you don't want to use the nice tablecloth (jizz stains are a beast to get out).  So you go out to Wal-Mart or Target or Party City and go browsing for festive decor. Red plastic cups, maybe paper plates, TONS of napkins (you always run out), and of course, a plastic tablecloth.

Was there more than one spooky tablecoth, and she had to choose between the two?  Did she stand there for a moment in Party City, the spiderweb table cloth in one had, and a pumkpin and ghost tablecloth in the other, staring at them?

Did she read the fine print about the size dimensions and do that thing where you think, "50 inches... that's about, what? 4 feet?" because you're incable of imagining that many inches so you have to convert it to feet.  And you wonder why they don't just write it as "4 feet, 2 inches" in the first place, since everyone has to do it in their heads anyway?

All just so a bunch of strangers could fuck people other than their husbands and wives.

You Can Never, Ever Go Back

Try as you might, unless one has a hot tub time machine, you can never go back and relive your prom and do it WAY better.

Art School Is the Pits

Rad House Party!

This looks like a great party because they sprung for the giant sized Jack bottle, have delicious Suzy Q snacks handy, and have a cool collection of stuffed bunny rabbits in sunglasses.  Have you ever been invited to a BBQ where it was suggested you bring your own meat to grill, as if you might actually schlep around a raw steak like it was a 6 pack of Heineken you picked up from the deli on the corner? Nice to see the art of hostessing is not completely gone.

Man Day Thursday

Sometimes people send me pictures of themselves or their friends. Sometimes those pictures are of men. And at least once a week, it's Thursday. Do the math, Corky: you've got reader submitted Man Day Thursday!!!

Party Protection

You know that basketball player who wears the full clear plastic face mask when he plays? I can never tell if other players think it's because he's such a wuss he's afraid of getting hurt or they're intimidated because he's so fucking crazy and might need a Silence of the Lambs mask to restain himself.

That's my party style - either super wussy or uncontrollably ragohholic, and you can never tell which one it's gonna be. You can't tell if my beer helmet is because I'm too laid back to hold beer in my hands or if it's actually protective headgear.

Rip Hamilton:

Sweet Dudes Being Sweet

Wanna know what's really funny? This is at a wedding.


(yes, it's a guy.)

Hold Onto Tightly Your Friends

Like my mother always told me, a dick in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Party Planner

Why do I get the feeling that beer pong was her idea?

My First Beer Pong

Do you know how Tiger Woods got so good at golf? I can tell you it wasn't because he picked it up at age 40. His dad had him out on the green practicing since he was 2 years old. What do you think Nadia Comanci on for her 5th birthday? Have a party? Go out to Chuck E. Cheese? No way. She spent it practicing her triple salchows on the balance beam. If want your kids to make it to the top of the game, you gotta start them young.

HOLY SHIT

In general, I avoid making comments directly about a people's bodies in photos..... but holy cow those are some GAZZONGAS.

What must it be like to reconcile your life when those things show up on your chest around 8th grade? Your entire existence is no longer anything you ever thought you knew. It's probably like in Soul Man where C. Thomas Howell becomes black and is surprised that people act differently to you based on your skin color.

Gone Fishin'

Looking Cool

You can wear your special frou frou party headband and your nice little dress and high heels, but you can't escape that you might be the kind of person who has a streamer stuck to your shoes.


Thanks to Masha for this photo.

Sharp Dressed Man

That's a pretty fancy plaid sports coat for a guy holding a jug of Carlo Rossi, eh?

The Problem With "Artistic Types"