Most Depressing Bong Hit

This photo is captioned: "my first bong hit back after rehab".

Teens on Drugs on the Subway on Film on My Mind

Recently I was taking the subway home on a Friday night - about 8:30pm - and saw these awesome kids fucked up out of their minds on drugs waiting on the platform next to me.  They got on the L train from Union Sq heading into Brooklyn.

I started covertly videotaping them; I waggled my finger in front of the phone screen to give the illusion I was playing Tetris or something instead of videoing.  However, after a while, the guy started to give me a dirty look and started whispering to the girls.  All I heard him say was a hiss: "she looks like she shops at J. Crew."

There's two things that really get me about these kids:

1. It was February in New York, and they're not wearing jackets or even tights. She's wearing a tank top! Where are their jackets?! These crazy kids are going to catch their death out here!

2. It was only 8:30pm.  What kind of even were they on their way to at 8:30pm on a Friday that they had ALREADY taken drugs for?  Is there an early bird special at the drug dealer's or something?

I consider filming these kids my finest moment, and I'm so happy to share it with you:

It's a Shame About Evan

Evan Dando has a Twitter account that's strange and rambling, and yes, it's really him.

He's not shy about posting pics of his post-show partying at all [note the white lines on the coffee table]. Holy fuck.

Burning Man? More Like.... Burning Stupid-Man

One time I was at a roof party at one of those large buildings in Williamsburg where the residents share the roof.  This was quite a few years ago when a different type of losers and shitheads still lived on the Williamsburg waterfront (as opposed to the current losers and shitheads).  Some other tennants in the building also had some friends on the roof.  They were unsavory hippy types, and one of them started doing this assinine thing with spinning flaming things.  I don't know what the proper name for this activity is, and I don't want to ever know.  It's what's going on in this photo, you know what it is.

My friend Keren started yelling "GO BACK TO BURNING MAN, HIPPIES!" at them, which was the funniest thing to me at the time.  Hippies HATE it when you don't like their stupid fire-dancing displays.  They seemed so hurt and dismayed to be in a hostile environment.  Sorry nerds, Keren does not appreciate you.

They're Baked, Not Fried

Real Life SIMYP Sightings

I love coincidences.  And I love getting emails from people.  And I love real life (kidding, h8 it!).  So getting an email from a reader that she saw someone from one of the pics on here in Real Life was pretty awesome.  I'll let her describe in her own words:

Hi. This may be a bit awkward, but I feel as though you need to hear this story.

First: I love your blog.  [I left this line in because I'm very very vain. -ed.]

Second: I FUCKING LOVE COINCIDENCES.

I have a coincidental story involving a gas station, an art show, a 14 year old girl...and your blog.

Back in April, my boyfriend and I went to a wedding an hour south of Pittsburgh, Pa. We stopped at this gas station to get energy drinks because, let's face it: Byzantine weddings are long and boring. There was a girl ahead in line with really awesome white/blue/purple/gray hair, who appeared no older than 14...buying whip-its and Rockstar. Sweet combo, right? Anyway, we trudged on to the wedding and reception, then back to the city for an all night art event. 

Around 2 a.m. my boyfriend's brother's band goes on and out of the woodwork appears...THE GIRL FROM THE GAS STATION. This wouldn't have been as "holy shit" if we hadn't been in the middle of Satan's asshole earlier, but trust me...it was in the middle of nowhere. Gas Station Girl started doing some sweet rave dances with some other prepubescent teens and having the time of her life. For some reason, probably because I'm a cynical bitch who was way jealous of her moves, I wanted nothing more than for this girl to GTFO...I didn't care where or how, I just wanted her out of my line of sight. Much to my chagrin, she wasn't going anywhere. She kept dancing and eating a Ring Pop into the wee hours of the night. 

The next morning I got online to check my Google Reader, which I hadn't done in 1.5 weeks, saw there were some posts from your blog, and promptly blew my load. Now what happens next is going to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.... I got to the post from April 19th and about shit myself: Gas Station Girl was in the photo. At first I thought I was going crazy, but then I checked the Flickr photostream and sure enough...those kids are from the Pittsburgh area. My boyfriend thought I was absolutely crazy and that it wasn't a big deal at all, as he didn't even notice this girl was at either place. 

The universe is crazy and Carl Jung had an inkling when he theorized synchronicity. I hope that story did as much for you as it did for me. Your blog is great.

Thanks,

Michelle

The pic in question (girl is in foreground, white shirt):

Hitler Sent Me Nudes

Two days ago, I got a message in my inbox from a oddly familiar name.  Adolf Hitler:

Look, normally I'm not down with doing whatever Hitler thinks is cool.  In fact, usually the opposite.  I'd go so far as to say I really dislike Hitler.

But when Hitler sends you a pic of a dreadlocked white girl with her nipples peeping you from her tank top gazing lovingly into the eyes of a man with clear panels on the shins of his pants, you fucking post that picture to your crummy party pictures blog, ok?

Bong Sucking Lips

420 Awards

On this special day, I would like to present the 2011 "Teens, When Will You Learn Not to Post Photos of Yourself Doing Drugs on the Internet Award"

Crazy Straws

Normally, I'm very strict about posting stuff I find myself on Flickr, and I won't post pics that I find on other people's blogs. But sometimes, Life offers you a bump in the form of a photo of a girl snorting coke through a crazy straw that you found on some random person's Tumblr, and it would just be plain rude not to accept. Thanks, Teen Witch.

Slingbacks

Stoned Cat Gif

I just got an email from reader Ben who had seen this post from a few months ago of a triptych of a cat ripping a massive bongload, and made this animated gif of it.

I'll admit, I woke up with a horrible hangover, and looking at this hurt my head massively.

Best Combo Since Pizza Flavored Combos

Your eyes do not deceive you.  You are peeping the most brilliant since peanut butter+dogs+genitals+surprise parties.  This is a man wearing a leather biker vest OVER a drug rug.  If your face just melted off, it's only 50% because of the drugs you just took, but 50% just the sheer magical energy of staring at a man so ingenious to create a look that says, "hey, I'm the magical lovechild of longhair hippie who got stabbed at Altamont AND the Hell's Angel who stabbed him!"

Midriffs and Bong Rips

World's #1 Stoner Girl

I've seen a lot of photos on Flickr that would make any parent or guidance counselor cringe with how stupid young people can be about posting incriminating stuff on the internet. But this girl has blown any of these out of the bongwater by a headshop. In addition to photos of her nerdy boyfriend and her dog, her Flickr is full of picture after picture after picture of herself smoking weed out of a variety of bongs, joints, and pipes.

At first I was aghast, but the more I looked through her photostream, the more I was kind of charmed by her. She's so adorable and guileless; it made all this illicitness seems so innocent, what could be addiction comes off instead as exuberance and a artistic dedication to documenting daily bong-rips.













And because I know you want it:


Now, before you go proposing marriage to her, I should warn you - she's also batshit crazy:

Lesson is: drugs don't make you crazy, and not everyone who is crazy does a lot of drugs, but everyone who does a lot of drugs IS crazy. Sorry kids, that's just the rules. No exceptions. 

Wow, this post turned into a real fucking bummer. Just like real life. Sighsies.

Bong Nap

Most Miserable Man in the World

If you can't find joy in house parties in warehouses and pretty girls smoking joints, then my friend, you have earned your title as the most miserable man in the world. Guess what? Everything else in your life is going to be about 20 times worse than this moment.


UPDATE: reader Ryan G. claims his friend pictured below is even more miserable, and deserves the crown. Verdict?



UPDATE UPDATE! The photographer of photo #1 contacted me and explained that the two girls are lesbians. How's that for a twist ending?

Cat Party

Doobies, Raccoons, Booze

MILF Rave