Women complain about how they're jealous of men for the convenience of peeing while standing up. But men will never know the delight of the surprise when you sit down to go pee, and all of a sudden you realize a poop is coming out.
To men, pooping is a scheduled event - you have to make the decision to sit instead of stand; you have to have a plan of attack when you enter the bathroom. In fact, I bet many men have rarely ever experience the poop/pee simulcast in their lives.
The Kentucky Derby was this weekend, and who gives a hoot because it's nowhere near as epic as the fucked up insane debauchery that happens at Preakness. They can ban hooligans from the infield, but they can't make people stop being total wasted jerks*.
Plus, this is really the only derby that matters, right?
If Myspace was "a place for friends", then Twitter is a really good place for "getting obsessed with people you don't know IRL". And I'm completely obsessed with one particular user, @casualmalexlfan, who never tweets anything about his (or her) real life, just jokes about Xbox, Justin Beiber, stepdads, Jose Canseco, i.e. things that appeal to my interests. I have no idea who this person is, I just know that everything he writes is 100% perfect.
The other day, he posted this photo, which is definitely one of those things that has been around the internet for a while, and I avoid posting those kinds of pics. But this one is really just SO good, with so many elements I love (Coyote Ugly style bar, projectile vomiting, striped polo shirts) and I feel like I would be not doing my duty if I didn't share this with you all.
So enjoy. And take my advice: follow @casualmalexlfan.
Thanks to Willy who sent this to me with the description:
This is my buddy after drinking for most of the day. He he was originally leaning on the toilet in case he puked. Later that night he proceeded to puke all over the floor of his house in a different room It's funny because it didn't happen at my house.
White guy on left is clearly secretly farting and hoping the girls won't see the bubbles.
You may have noticed, there's two things I love: pictures of people barfing and pictures of white teenagers with dreadlocks. When the two get together, it's as if the world comes into clear focus. It's because that's what I want to do when I see white teenagers with dreadlocks: barf.
Do you think this will be a manly decade? Do you think the 00's were manly? I think maybe they were more manly than the 90s, but I'm not really sure why. All I know is I want just one day this week, this Thursday, to set aside to ponder on men and how much they love pissing on cars. Why do they piss on a car instead of a wall or even just straight on the ground? Does it have to do with splashback? I wouldn't know, cuz I'm not a man. Only the mildly retarded mind of a man could dream this up.
Oh Man Day Thursday, take me away to a place where a Maaco paint job is just around the corner, and the urine flows freely against a '98 Toyota Celica!
Even a king sometimes has to piss on a van:
Sometime this past summer, a study came out that 1 out of 5 people admit to peeing in the pool. I say that means 4 out of 5 people are fucking liars.
Point is, I see at least 5 people in this pool, and I have a good guess on who it is that's going to activate the purple dye.
This is the difference between men and women. Since men have short hair and don't need their friends to hold their hair for them while they puke, male friends basically have open season for goofing on you while you puke.
The girl in the black dress looks pretty sexy with her butt sticking out like that, right? Very HOT pose...
But wait.. a few hours and 10 or 12 raspberi Stoli and Sprites later, there's an even HOTTER POSE:
Peeing in a one-piece bathing suit sucks because you're afraid someone's going to open the door of the bathroom and catch a glimpse of a full n00dz, but I guess it could be worse - even in a two-piece someone could be taking a picture of you and posting it on their Flickr account.
