Scared of Clowns?

You are now.


Thanks for the photo, Nick.
P.S. I know it's you under that makeup.

Photobomer Alert

Nice work, short toady guy with the glasses.

DO NOT WANT!!!!!

High Maintenance Party Guests

Sometimes you can tell how high maintenance someone is by how difficult it will be for the paramedics to cut away their clothing after they are taken to the emergency room for poisoning from alcohol, oxycontin, and a fist full of those pleasure enhancing vitamin packs they sell at the deli.

Get on the Bus

A Spike Lee Joint



If I could ever reign in the sexual tension and energy I experienced on high school of late night bus trips on field trips, the Rosenbergs would sell my secret to the Russians in a nuclear arms race.

Low Life Sneaking a Grope Under the Miller High Life

Sexy Trafficking

Don't let this picture fool you - being sold into the white slave trade by the Albanian mob isn't all fun and games.

What Women Want

See the guy in the white shirt in the background, and the defeated look on his face? That's the look of realizing that the only thing women want is a man with a giant macaw.

Reality Bites

On reality competition shows, contestants are always trying to prove to the judges and their other contestants how much they want it. There's always lots of discussion where the judge is like "I don't know if you really want to be here," and then the contestant says "I WANT this so bad I want it more than starving children in Africa want a hot meal and affordable AIDS medicine." This is something that isn't paralleled in real life. It's not like when you're at your job, your boss says "I'm not convinced you want to update this Excel spreadsheet enough." No one really cares what you want or how much you want it.

In real life, it's better not be constantly trying to show how much you "want it". Because you'll end up coming off like this:

Macarena FAIL

You're supposed to put your hands on your own hips...

Thanks Nick, for sending this photo from your personal spring break memories.

DO NOT WANT!

Sexy Total Recall Costumes

A lot of women use Halloween as an excuse to wear sexy outfits they would never wear any other time of year. However, it can get confusing when you combine a skimpy outfit with a costume idea that's inherently not sexy. Like the 3 boobed lady from Total Recall.

Halloween Costume Ideas

I don't usually like to post pictures from costume parties because it's almost too easy - everybody looks funny in a costume. But it's getting close to Halloween, and I haven't decided on a costume yet, so I've been looking on Flickr for a little inspiration.

Here's a couple of costumes I'm considering:

1) Anguished sweaty guy on enough meth to believe he looks good enough shirtless to score some high school tail:


2) Anguished housewife on enough painkillers to believe that swinging won't ruin her marriage:

No Shoes, No Skirt, No Service

The description on this photo reads: "I sat in Janelle's puke. So I took my skirt off on the street. Now it lives on a sidewalk somewhere in LA".

Whoa - I think I just got the best new idea for how to get girl's skirts off. Just make them sit in your puke. WATCH OUT LADIES, I GOT NEW MOVES!


Thanks to Matt for this picture, which is unclear if it contains pubes or not.

Bonfire of the Vanities

My genitals already have an intense burning sensation, so I try extra hard to keep them away from open flame. Although, I guess there's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to burn off your warts.

Sick of the "Bar Scene"

Whenever I see commercials for eHarmony.com or Match.com with someone saying with how they didn't want to meet someone at a bar, I always think "jeez, what an uptight bore." 

 

Ok, I take it all back.  Now I understand why a woman would find this about as appealing as a bear attack:

Party Gorrilla

When I was a kid, the story of Koko, the gorrilla who learned sign language, had me spellbound. The story about how she had a pet kitten that she loved is the kind of stuff kids go bonkers thinking about - two animals being friends.

How gross is this from Koko's Wikipedia:

"Koko has been involved in a number of sexual harassment lawsuits. At least three female former employees have claimed that they were pressured into showing their breasts to Koko. They alleged that Patterson encouraged the behavior, often interpreted Koko's signs as requests for nipple display, and let them know that their job would be in danger if they "did not indulge Koko's nipple fetish." Koko has been known to playfully grab both male and female nipples without warning or provocation. Patterson claims that Koko uses the word "nipple" to refer to humans."





Disclaimer: Unclear if this is actually the famed Koko or not.  I really hope it is Koko, the alternative being some depraved person has a gorrilla they keep in their kitchen and ply with booze.

Drunk Sorority Girls..... I Am Your Father....

The leering guy in the background looks like Darth Vader when he takes his mask off.

Here he is again, beastin some keg with his black mask swagger.

Thanks to Mary for the picture of Vader at the kegger.

Make Out Sessions Pt. 2

An excellent photo taken of some stranger making out at a party, straddled over a puddle of vomit. From the photo's description:

"So, I was trying to take pictures of this kid, passed out nearly with his "gubb" between his feet. When out of no where, his girlfriend comes up, straddles him and they start making out. After a few minutes she left again and he started to drool and spit out more puke. . .I don't even think his eyes were open. . ."

Ladies, Take Your Pick

Ladies know a sure thing when they see it, and there's no doubt they have their choice of these two guys to take home tonight. Mr. Plaid will probably gently cuddle you afterward, but he'll be super awkward when you run into him again 2 months later.

At first glance, Mr. WhitePants seems like the underdog, but he probably had an inexplicably hot girlfriend for 7 years that he started dating in 10th grade, and they did all sorts of nasty stuff together, jus, you know, exploring and learning from each other's bodies. He'll have some have some insane moves, no reservations about giving an rj, and can go for hours. Just don't let your roommates see him leave in the morning or you'll never live it down.