Cannonball

Dang.  Wishin' I was there.

Pigs in a Baja Blankey

Love to see police and a guy in a drug rug hanging out in peace.

Facebook vs. Flickr

A lot of the worst photos - worst in the most embarrassing sense - on this blog come to me from people who save the photos from their friends' Facebook accounts, and not ones I find publicly available on Flickr.

I have some qualms about this. Not because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but because I don't know how much of a purist I should be about the stated mission of "Pictures of Other People's Parties on Flickr". This blog is almost 4 years old (egads), and in 2008 Flickr was much something different than it is today. It seemed like the most important photo sharing site out there. It's still widely used, but it seems more and more that it's used by semi-pro photographers and color saturation enthusiasts. Facebook is now where regular people upload their party pics.

A big part of what I aimed at with this blog was a stern privacy warning - if you are dumb enough to post your photos in a totally public site like Flickr, then you have no way of stopping a shithead like me from making fun of you behind your back. What hubris to think that no one will make fun of you! However, I don't actually want to hurt anyone's feelings, and the handful of times people have asked me to take down their photos, I've always done it.

But Facebook is a different thing. You have a certain level of expectation of privacy on there compared to Flickr. If you set your permission for a photo so it's for "Friends" only, you aren't expecting that your so-called-friend is going to screenshot that photo and send it to a blog that makes fun of people. Also, for me I like the process of searching and finding pics myself. It feels like cheating for someone else to send me a cherry-picked photo from Facebook [NOTE: please do not stop sending me photos!!!].

Of course I'm not saying Facebook is good at privacy. It's a miserable hell-hole and I hate it and it's boring because your aunt and boss is on it, so no one ever posts anything funny or edgy anymore. Twitter is way better, and it's fun and cool stuff happens on there.

Anyway. Look.  I don't know what more I can say except I'm sorry for these two people in this photo, because their friend is a dick and sent this to me.  And there's no way I couldn't post this.  I wouldn't deprive my loyal readers (luv u guys <3 <3).  So enjoy:

Beerocide

If I were a beer, I'd look at this with my beer goggle eyes and shudder in horror to see a mass grave of the genocide of my peers.

Also, if I were a beer, I think I'd be a Zima.

Osama bin Laden Costumes, RIP

2009's hot Halloween costume was Sarah Palin; 2010 was Snooki, and I'll bet you 100 Four Lokos that this year evvvvvvveryone will have their own take on "dead Osama bin Laden".

Of course, the Osama bin Laden costume has been around since 2002, and frankly, I don't think we'll be sad to see it's cheeky "I'm wearing a shocking costume!" sensibility and unsettlingly unsublte racism go.

Au revoir, Osama bin Laden costume (2002-2010).

A Poem About A Party Foul

Hopes, dreams, wishes, falling to the floor.
Crashing, spilling, staining the carpet
Like a fruity girly shot dropped by slippery hands.

As I look down over my Miller Lite
As the liquid splashes from within the plastic cup.
I think to myself:
"Should've made Jello shots."

The Perfect Hostess Gift

Some people like to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert to a party.  But the gift that will really impress your host is an adorable cat.  "Thank you for inviting me over for Shabbat dinner. Here, I got you this cat!"

In Opposite Land

Girls are this excited about going home with shitfaced guys.


Also in Opposite Land: he manages to maintain an erection after putting on a condom and fully perform.

Location, Location, Location.

Look, pal, there's a time and a place for a sax solo. That time is during "Maneater", and the place is "never underneath your trucker hat on the shores of the Gitchee Gumee".

Or else like this:

Why You Should Fuck on the First Date

Here's some wisdom for the kids:  Every second of your life is tick tick ticking away. One day you're gonna wake up, and guess what? By the time you've changed your mind, no one wants to fuck you on the first date anymore.

Psssssst... I just shat my pants.

Family Fun

I never really felt sorry for my parents having to have all their vacation with me and my brother. But man, that must've sucked for them.


Thanks, Sasha, for the pic.

Treasured Memories

What really makes wedding memories special is if you are lucky enough to get the photographer's asscrack in your photos while the groomsmen and bridesmaids are walking down the aisle.

Guts

You know when you're getting dressed to go out, and you have to check how you look if you aren't sucking in your gut, just in case your outfit only looks good when you're posing in the mirror?

Monkey Business

Someone sent me these photos recently, under strict guidelines I not disclose their name, as these may or may not be relatives of theirs....


Full disclose: there's only so much fun I can poke at someone for these pics, as I bear the secret shame a person who still sleeps with a stuffed animal.  God, it feels good to finally admit it.

Tips for Swinging

It's such a drag to have to check your coat at the coat check at the swingers' party; skip the line at the end of the night and don't bother bringing a coat at all, just show up in your underwear!

Ambience

There's a reason bars are dark other than just so everyone looks better - it's also because if the lights are just on, then it's just like normal time. You got to at least give the illusion that being there is special and not just your average 11am with the family.

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

I'm sorry mister sunburn, but have you never been outside during the summer before? Were you not aware of the sun's powers? Could you possibly be unaware of what would happen to your skin when you didn't apply sunblock at the beach?

Sunburns really don't get the credit they should for being the litmus test of total idiots. If you haven't figured out how the magic yellow orb in the sky works by now, you're screwed. There should be some sort of chart that measures up your level of sunburn with an equivalent density of fake spray tan; those two indicators probably measure about equally. For example, if you have just a light pink on your nose, that's about the same as using that Jergens tanning lotion - pretty reasonable, not off the deep end. But if you're a crispy lobster red, that same chip in your brain that tells you not to do stupid stuff is missing in the same place as George Hamilton's.



Ok, admittedly this theory needs some work. But at least agree that if you're a knucklehead like this guy, you probably believe this song is pretty DEEP:

Nobody Puts bAbY in the Corner

Not actually a little person; just the world's least flattering photo angle where a woman tries to make a sexy pose:



Oh wait.... I think I spoke too soon on that camera angle issue. Check these hOtTiEs from the same photostream:

The Worst Feeling

Is there any worse feeling than when you become hyper aware of the fact that you don't know what to do with your hands, and you're convinced that everyone notices?


I guess when you're old enough, you kind of are just like "fuck it, I'll do whatever I want with these babies."