Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Poodle Party

I've been on grand jury duty all week, which is really cramping my usual style of sitting on the internet searching for fan fiction and wondering what ytmnd.com would look like if it wasn't blocked on my office net filter. But mostly I miss celebrity gossip sites, even for just the 9-5 hours it's hard to be without them.


I suppose I should fully confess: I have an addiction to celebrity gossip that's beyond just the normal interest in pop culture. A while ago, I decided to give up celebrity gossip for a while month - no checking TMZ, no buying US Weekly. I deleted all the RSS feeds from my iGoogle homepage. For 30 days, I was clear-headed, I was more productive than ever. But after day 30, I greedily indulged in backpages and backpages of it. I was back on the junk.

I don't like talking about it to friends or family. I prefer to do it in secret. I use when I get anxious or upset; my immediate reaction to stress is to scan Perez Hilton headlines - like a junkie, even I relish the set up almost as much as the high - seeing the color of the pink background, the nervousness that my boss might catch me goofing off, waiting for images to load. My pulse quickens, then I feel the release - I can completely tune out every aspect of my own life and concentrate solely on the misery of others. Isn't numbing your own pain why people love drugs?

So imagine my delight when I saw the pic from this June SIMYP post as the "Caption This" contest of dlisted.com. In the past week, three different people sent me this picture as a submission, which made me realize that the photo had been uploaded to some other sites. Which is pretty awesome, since really I believe everyone should really see this picture. Seriously. People should be forced to look at it before they're allowed to register to vote. It should be in place of a Rorschacht test. Parents should have an awkward conversation to explain it to their teenagers.

So please. Caption it. Stare at it. Consider it in the way it deserves to be considered.


15 comments:

tyler said...

Saw it here first!

zannie said...

"Becky was beginning to feel like a third wheel."

Claire O'Hanlon said...

i feel your celebrity gossip pain. i was clean for 8 weeks, but this week i fell off the wagon.

umlaut said...

I can't help but think there is one tag this picture is seriously in need of.

You know which one I mean...

Anonymous said...

simyp is my tmz

Jacey said...

"These are the only bitches I need."

Anonymous said...

The way the one dog has his paw on the thigh...and the glare of red eyes to the bitch behind the camera...they are so Edward and Bella

Willaim said...

"Yes dear, I"m enjoying my birthday party very much."

Anonymous said...

a threesome with two bitches sounded way cooler than it turned out to be.

BuzzBuzzard said...

Mother, I can cut my own piece of cake. You promised you'd stop cutting up my food when I turned 50, and the big day is here!

Chris M said...

"Did you have a good birthday Jim?"

"Yes, Kiki. And thank you for the jar of peanut butter..."

theobscure said...

Oh No They Didn't. You'll never look at anything else ever again. Trust me (as you would any internet stranger, of course).

www.community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt

theobscure said...

Or rather,

community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt

Now without idiotic errors!

ashb1775 said...

My celeb addiction is so ridiculous that when I get to the end of the, say third, page on Perez, where I'm caught up on the day's gossip, I click on the web site again to be sure nothing new has happened in the time it took to get through the three pages. ughhhhhh.

peter said...

make a party to your dogs? OK there's two option for this, one you really love your dogs, two you are falling in love with your dogs, if my mind don't fail me this picture was before in this area, in that moment some jerk put viagra without prescription in the comment, WTF is that.