Sunday, November 28, 2010

Toxic Waste Pizza Party


Friday, November 26, 2010

Post-Thanksgiving Feelings


Monday, November 22, 2010

Party Math, Pt. 2


Plus this:

Equals this:

Friday, November 19, 2010

Best Combo Since Pizza Flavored Combos

Your eyes do not deceive you.  You are peeping the most brilliant since peanut butter+dogs+genitals+surprise parties.  This is a man wearing a leather biker vest OVER a drug rug.  If your face just melted off, it's only 50% because of the drugs you just took, but 50% just the sheer magical energy of staring at a man so ingenious to create a look that says, "hey, I'm the magical lovechild of longhair hippie who got stabbed at Altamont AND the Hell's Angel who stabbed him!"


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Unsafe Uncle Is Ready to Party


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

New Boyfriend

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Last Boy Scout

Thanks to Thomas for this one.

Monday, November 15, 2010

That's Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Isn't it an embarassment to humanity that they have to give us plastic beer bottles at sporting events and concerts? That we can't be trusted with the big boy glass bottles?

But then again, what's the point of using glass at all instead of plastic on all beer? Before the 20oz soda came around (don't get me started on Shaq's involvement in the promotion of the Pepsi longneck bottle "Shaq pack" and how I blame him for the extra 4oz of backwash we're stuck with today), soda used to come in glass 12oz bottles. 

I don't really know what my point is here, other than that I'm still pissed off at Shaq about the whole oversized drink thing.  I'm 5'7", I don't need as much soda as Shaq to quench my thirst, and by the time I get 16oz into a 20, it's flat and warm.  16.9oz/500mL is the perfect size - that's what they sell in Europe where people definitely are more likely to be throwing beer bottles in an unruly hooliganish manner at a sporting event. 


Eff you, Shaq:

Friday, November 12, 2010


Thursday, November 11, 2010

DJ Blue Vest

Thankfully, the groom included his playlist in the description of this photo:

Theme to Star Trek (End Credits) - Trek Connection
Ready 2 Wear - Felix da Housecat - Devin Dazzle & the Neon Fever
Such Great Heights - The Postal Service - Give Up
Por una cabeza - Tango Project - Scent of a Woman
Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra
One Of These Things First - Nick Drake
The Way you Look Tonight - Hollywood: Hit Songs From a Golden Era
A Kiss to Build a Dream - Louis Armstrong - Hollywood: Hit Songs From a Golden Era
Miss Sarajevo - U2 - Passengers 1
Clocks - Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Edward Boonsfarmhands

I'm starting to realize that almost everything in life does really follow that horrible axiom that every soccer coach, camp counselor, Hebrew school instructor, and whatever other adults you had surrounding your retarded middle class upbringing told you ad nasuem: "you get out of it what you put in." Turns out this is true for your job, your relationship, friendships, your personal appearance, sexual technique, the gym, vacations, everything. Which really fucking sucks because I HATE putting things in (that's what I said). Seriously. I hate hard work, which his why I never spellcheck or proofread this blog, as you may have noticed.

Point is: never underestimate the power of a can-do attitude. Look at this girl - she's got mild to moderate acne, horrible taste in clothes and music, and what appears to be a crippling addiction to white flour and refined sugar. But when someone at the party suggests doing a version of "Edward 40-hands" with Boons Farm bottles, shesays "SURE." She's the life of the party. She's not going to show up and mope around because her deodorant is showing, she's committed to having a great time.

She's putting more in, and she's getting more out.  Let's all learn from her.

Thanks to Amanda for this photo.

Monday, November 8, 2010

RIP Four Loko

You may have heard that this past Friday, the state of Michigan has banned Four Loko from being sold, effective in 30 days.  What you're obviously thinking is, "well, I don't live in Michigan [unless you do, in which case, my condolences], so is my state next??"

And that's exactly where it gets interesting.  And by interesting, I mean the exact opposite of all the fun, drunky, sexy, boozy fun that Four Loko represents, and all the boring, tedious, frustrations of the quagmires of states rights vs. federal law.  Because while you might chalk the ban on Four Loko up to common sense (Four Loko is obviously bad for the kids), you have to remember that the government doesn't run around simply banning the products made by private companies on a whim.  Or wait, can it? Shit, can we get some crazed Tea Partiers to pitch a fit about this abortion of free market capitalism?

Alcohol sales are regulated for the FDA, but also by local state agencies.  That's why you can buy a whiskey in a CVS in California, but grocery stores in New York can only sell beer and not wine.  And how in Pennsylvania, you can freakishly buy a six-pack by ordering it to-go in a bar.  So the FDA says Four Loko is fine, but Michigan now says it's not.  However,  New York officials claim "state law doesn't currently give the authority the power to ban products approved by federal regulators."

So what's the fucking deal here?  How does this work?  Can some law student nerd explain this to me?

Thanks to Kyle for the photo he took in New Jersey over the weekend.

Related note: where can I buy a "Don't blame me, I voted for the Spitzer madam" bumper sticker?

UPDATE:  An anonymous reader wrote into me with a bunch of information - apparently, the NY State Senate will be voting on a proposed bill to ball all caffeinated malt beverages soon.  What's weird (and seriously stoopid) is that the NY Senate now allows the random internet populace to comment on bills.  So you can post all your "FREE LOKO! THE FOUR LOKO MADE ME TOO DAMN HIGH" comments here, and people in the goverment actually have to read it.  How messed up is that!!!  Comment here:

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Sleepy Sipping

Sometimes I find a photo I love so much, and then to my delight, its owner has already provided such an amazing description, that I can only let it speak for itself:


this was from cmu and it was kelseys roomates 22nd birthday. this from there spare "beer-pong" room. its a pretty sweet set up. i was soo intoxicated and i was trying to take a very cool picture of gracie but it didn't really turn out the way i wanted. i didn't know that until the next day tho. it was a fun night. i love going to see kelsey cause its like getting the whole college experience thing cause you defiantly don't get that at a community college. the memories from this night are sooo funny, i swear i have the best best friends in the world. =] =] =]

My only gripe here is that he says he was trying to take a cool picture of his friend, but it really didn't turn out that way. I don't want to sound like a perv, but this picture is so incredibly sexy that it's a crime that he doesn't understand. Something about the way you know this picture was taken on a really hot night where you are still sweating, and you don't even care that your shorts are completely riding up and showing more thigh than you'd ever do on purpose; being on whatever number of drink it is that makes you just want to find out what the inside of someone else's mouth tastes like.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


No use crying over spilled beer on a blazer.

Thanks to Emma for this pic.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Midriffs and Bong Rips

Monday, November 1, 2010

Four Loko Costume

Bonus points to dying your hair to match.  Double points for getting photobombed by The Crow/Sting after he went from blonde hair and neon facepaint to his  way less cool goth look.
Thanks to Linsday for Twittering this to me.