Friday, January 29, 2010

Are You "Sure"?

On the sly pit whiff. 

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Boogie Down

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Classic Cockblock

You can tell the guy in the middle is trying to keep his bonhomie game up, but it's so hard when he knows his shitfaced friend is sinking his battleship.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

True Friendship

Thanks, Sara.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Magic Eye Picture

A reader named  sent me this picture of her friends, explaining the optical illusion of the upskirt shot of the girl in red.  What you're actually seeing is just her thighs meeting, but it looks like an anatomically impossibly giant vagina.  She dubbed it "THIGINA".  Enjoy.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Man Day Thursday: Men in the Moons

Planet Earth doesn't have enough manliness for me.  I need to transcend.  I need to go beyond this realm.


I need to go to the Man Moon.   

5....4....3....2....1....BLAST OFF!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My New Attitude About New Rock Boots

When you're stone cold sober, goths ladies in New Rock boots are easy to make fun of.  But when you're 8 beer deep at a free outdoor radio station concert, she's a cool girl who is down to party and laughs at your jokes and shares her beer.

So you're at a crossroads.

Either take your dignity and sense of coolness, or submit to the darkness inside you that's willing to love a loser.

Follow your head or follow your heart.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Like Your Bod

I know that having muscles is antithetical to being a Cool Hip Dude, but just for once I really wouldn't mind seeing some defined biceps on a guy who isn't totally a loser. We tend to think that Depped-up meatheads who name their 6-packs have cornered the market on smokin' bods, but we forget about these insidious long-haired yoga enthusiasts who would love to let you toke on their bong and while giving you a back massage and telling you about how great it feels to be in tune with your body. I can smell this guy's body reak wafting past his crystal deodorant from here.

I'm going to go ahead and call this one: Muscle Hippies are offically The Worst.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Just Try

Friday, January 15, 2010

Spread Dog Eagle

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Cheap Monday Booze Belt

Maybe like 2 years ago I bought a pair of Cheap Monday jeans from this really cool palce called They didn't fit, so I sent them back for an exchange, but then I didn't get the new pair for a while, so I called back and was like, "wazzup?"
And they were like, "oh we're sold out of the new size you requested so we're just refunding you."
And I was like, "that's ok cause I wasn't that into them anyway."

Thanks to Cavale for the photo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah:

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Your Friends Are Jerks

So before you think this is just another guy passed out with an exposed gut, let me fill you in on the guy, Chris, who sent this picture to me.  Chris forwarded me this picture that he received as a picture text from his friend's phone.  Because he forwarded it with the message header still attached, I could see the original text and phone number that went along with it in the message header.  The text said "PLEASE HELP".

This means that someone sent this MMS message to their friend good Chris, begging for help with their friend who was floundering drunkenly on the floor.  And Chris did the responsible thing by forwarding it right along to me.  Thank you.

Oh shit. What if this isn't of a guy drunk, it's of a guy who was about to be murdered? I THINK I HAVE SEEN THIS LAW AND ORDER!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Overdressed vs. Underdressed

Whether or not you think it's better to be overdressed or underdressed for a party is kind of like if you like summer or winter better.  The problem is when it's 90 degrees and you're sweating, January sounds pretty nice, but your mind doesn't actually remember the sensation of how crummy it felt to be so cold.

I think most people think as a general rule it's better to err on the side of overdressed, because if you're going to feel awkward, at least you'll look good.  But even so, it's hard to remember exactly how much it does suck to be the only one in a sequined ball gown with a daringly tantalizing neckline when everyone else is wearing their sweats and the free t-shirt given out for their son's basketball league.


I guess what I'm saying is either way, you're screwed and life is horrible.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The World's Most Beautiful Art

A few days ago, I said that I wished I could see a watercolor version of this photo. Internet, you have never failed me yet, and this is no different. 3 different people immediately sent me their own artistic renderings of what I call "Old Babe with Glass in Saggy Cleave". Now, as someone who never properly filed the paperwork to declare their Art History minor, I can say with full authority that this is The Best Art in the World.

I beseech anyone who has an artistic inclination, and even more so anyone who feels they do not, to try your hand a painting, drawing, ASCII art, whatever of a SIMYP pic.   Send them to me, and there will be the most important art exhibit, either IRL or otherwise, of the art world since the Saratoga affordable art fair of 1993.  PLZ RETWEET.

And now behold. You are looking at greatness. These make the Mona Lisa look like the streakmarks left in the toilet bowl after an enormous beer shit.

by Anonymous.  Pastel.

by Morgan.  Ink.

by Emily. Ok, to be fair, Emily admits this is just the original photo with the "watercolor" tool from Photoshop. But still awesome.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: Passed Out Edition

When a guy wakes up to find his pants open after he passed out drunk, he's like "LOLZ!", but a girl who woke up like that would be like "OMFG" because it would be way more sinister.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Man Day Thursday: Men Pissing on Cars

Do you think this will be a manly decade?  Do you think the 00's were manly?  I think maybe they were more manly than the 90s, but I'm not really sure why.  All I know is I want just one day this week, this Thursday, to set aside to ponder on men and how much they love pissing on cars.  Why do they piss on a car instead of a wall or even just straight on the ground?  Does it have to do with splashback?  I wouldn't know, cuz I'm not a man.  Only the mildly retarded mind of a man could dream this up.

Oh Man Day Thursday, take me away to a place where a Maaco paint job is just around the corner, and the urine flows freely against a '98 Toyota Celica!

Even a king sometimes has to piss on a van:

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I Wasn't Even Stoned When I Wrote This

Pic unrelated, although I would really like a watercolor of this:

Monday, January 4, 2010

Beach Bumz & Whiskey