Saturday, October 31, 2009

Suck on These, Dracula

Friday, October 30, 2009

Keg's Eye View

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Lazy Man Costumes: Don Draper

Speaking of lazy man costumes, I forgot about last year's popular lazy man costume, Don Draper from "Mad Men". Not only is it lazy, but it's the man equivalent of the "sexy witch/cop/angel" costume: it's an excuse to look more sexually appealing than you usually do. But the difference here is that it's just putting on a suit and running a comb through your hair for once. Guys are such disgusting slobs that this is looking presentable is so foreign to them that it's a crazy role-playing costume.

Here are some guys who got on the intercom in their executive office and had their secretary connect them to the switchboard to phone in Halloween for them:

Don and Betty couple costumes. These hurt because they're missing the real authentic aspect of the characters: being ridiculously good looking. Owies.

Man Day Thursday: Half-Assed Man Costumes

Halloween really brings out a while new side to the gender divide. While a big deal is made about how ladies use the holiday as an excuse to dress slutty, no one mentions the other side of the coin: how men phone it in big time on costumes. At least a slutty costume is an attempt at a costume; men can't be bothered to scrape together anything until 30 minutes before the party. Can man's lack of creativity towards Halloween costumes finally enter the coversation? What do you suppose is the breakdown of sales of "This IS my costume" t-shirts each year gender-wise? Bingo.

God bless 'em, these men and their terrible Halloween costumes they hobbled together at Rite-Aid on the way home from work. This year, I want to celebrate a venerable institution, the half-assed man costume:

Gangsta M.D.s

This is just pathetic. Half washed off make up on one guy, and the other guy is what, a funnel fan?

Teletubbie mixed with black suited Spider-Man? If you can explain this, you deserve a funnel full of candy corns:

Spider-Man is kind of ok, a little store-bought, but mister leather shorts?? That's not even a costume if you just wear what you wear to bed each night.

What exactly is a guy in a dirty hoodie and white facepaint? A zombie who lives in his mom's basement?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Top 10 Bad Halloween Costumes

A site on the internet, The Faster Times, asked me to do a list of photos. Obviously, I wanted to do a list of bad Halloween costumes. Because if there's one thing I love, it's muffin top on a cool crisp October evening.

Please enjoy: Halloween Costumes: Top Ten Bad Ideas

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Eyes Wide Shut, No Thanks

Monday, October 26, 2009

Once in Wakiki

What with clogging your inbox with annoying forwards and subsidizing scam identity theft protection companies, people over the age of 50 pretty much are nothing but a thorn in the side of us young uns' internet-wise.  The exception to this I've found is a small community of old people on Flickr who have scanned in old photographs from their entire lives, usually with lengthy descriptions on each photo that tell an entire life story in photographs.  Finding these is an amazing affirmation that the heart of the internet is its ability to share un-notable, unknowable strangers' stories.

Here are a few of photos from a woman who has an amazing collection of photos taken in a jazz nightclub in Hawaii her single mother owned and operated during the early 1960s. The photos are a mix of the B-list celebrities from the era and some surprising (for the era) interracial hangouts. The woman appears as a teenager in some photos in amazing poofy dresses. There's a suprising racial element here where there are she looks white, though her mother appears to be half black (or perhaps Hawiian?), and there's a mixed crowd at the club hangin' out in harmony.  Could just be the jazz scene, or is it possible that Hawaii was more of a progressive-minded place during that time?  Anyone have any idea about this?

The Flickr user is the curly haired girl on the right:

A female saxophonist at the nightclub:

The Flickr user as a teen at a party with her mother:

The guy in the unbuttoned checked shirt in this last photo is identifed as Hollywood actor Steve
Cochran, who had an insane death:

"Cochran died on his yacht off the coast of Guatemala due to an acute lung infection. His body, along with three alive but upset female assistants, remained onboard for ten days since the three women didn't know how to operate the boat.There were various rumors of foul play and poisoning, and Merle Oberon tried to use her influence to push for further police investigations. No new evidence was found." (from his Wikipedia)

Friday, October 23, 2009

TGIF: Getting Gussied Up

Getting ready to paint the town red tonight, and getting all dressed up? Having a little trouble zipping up that dress?

Maybe you need to try on a pair of these:

Thursday, October 22, 2009

My New Mom

Hilarious juxtaposition of the name of the restaurant on the menu and the visual buffet laid out before my eyes.

Man Day Thursday

There comes a time around 10pm on Wednesdays where I just want to think about my feelings, write in my dream journal, experiment with Sun-In, and turn all the feet in my tights right-side-in. But I fight the urges, I resist because I know that just a few hours away is the manliest time of the week, a day when I can submit to my urges for hack sleeve t-shirts, braided belts and Nike Shoxx and the soothing refrain of the "By Mennen" jingle.

Man Day Thursday, let this day purify me in your milky white waters. Soothe my pained soul by telling me walk it off. Scratch that itch in public.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Vienetta Cake Reckoning

Fair enough, these delightful packaged Vienetta ice cream cakes are delicious. But if you get one as your birthday cake, that's a pretty clear sign that Nobody In This World Loves You.

Of course, one slice is never enough...

Keep Holding on to What's Important

God forbid you spill your 40 while your passed out on the floor. What would you have to drink when you woke up?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Booty Barf

The girl in the black dress looks pretty sexy with her butt sticking out like that, right? Very HOT pose...

But wait.. a few hours and 10 or 12 raspberi Stoli and Sprites later, there's an even HOTTER POSE:

Monday, October 19, 2009

Dorks and Drugs

Regardless of your opinions on if drugs are good or bad, we can probably all agree that cool people do drugs, and that people who do drugs have a certain look.  That  je ne sais quoi look has a variety of different forms and styles, but there's a certain thread of coolness.  Even if it's not actually cool.  Like have you ever seen a white guy in dreadlocks and considered even for a second that he has never done drugs in his life?  Of course not.  And that's not a cool haircut, but it's just some signifier for having made the life decision to be the kind of person who enjoys drugs.

I'm not sure this is making any sense at all, but stick with me here...  The best way I can describe this is to show you this picture, and have you consider how totally unnatural and uncanny it looks to see two total dorks doing drugs?

From the caption on Flickr for this photo, it turns out this a pipe they bought on vacation in Vietnam and are only smoking tobacco. See? It's like the world is all back in its order.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Man Day Thursday: Groomsmen

My friend Neal who does the Photo Cliches blog is getting married on Saturday, and boy am I excited for his wedding (read: excited for open bar and impressionable 19 year old cousins).  One of my favorite parts of any wedding is seeing a bunch of guys you know who normally are only seen in jorts and a Coed Naked Volleyball t-shirt wearing a suit and looking like a prisoner on his first day out of jail and trying to fit in [see Ex-Con by Smog]  Bonus points if you suspect their mother bought them the tie at some point.

Even better than men looking awkward in their suits is really bad wedding photography of groomsmen in some corny arrangement.  It's like whoever took these pictures truly believes that the video for "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit is the pinnacle of visual artistic expression. Included in this are pictures where the men just can't cope with the seriousness of wearing a suit and have to make some ridiculous goofy joke pose. Another common groomsmen photo cliche is to make some super tough-guy pose.  What are you looking so tough about? "Watch out, I'm gonna marry the FUCK out of you, woman." It's creepy.

Oh genie of the internet, answer my Man Day Thursday prayers and grant me a cornocopia of bad groomsmen photos. Overexposure, fisheye lenses, ridiculous poses - I want it all!