Tuesday, June 30, 2009


You know what the weirdest part of the Phil Spector murder was? The prosecution had the bartenders from the restaurants he was at the night of the murder, and they testified that he had drank this bizarre mix of rum-based drinks: 4 daiquiris, a shot of straight rum, and 2 "navy grogs".

I had to look up what a navy grog is (juice and different rums mixed together) - but the Wikipedia article on the history of the navy grog is fascinating. Back in the heyday of the British naval empire, they had to add a certain amount of rum to all the drinking water on a ship to keep it from getting fetid; sailors were basically constantly buzzed. The exact portion of rum mixed into the water for each sailor was officially set by the British goverment - this lasted until 1970, incredibly.

Point is, what kind of crazed, murderous monster actually gets drunk on rum??

Some Wine for His Royal Highness

Knave! Doth thou let thy king poureth his own goblet of Yellowtail? To the rack with thee!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Don't Drink and Wheel

Hucubus's Lair (Bedroom at Mom's House) Dance Party

Amazing, this evening was also caught on video:

Seductive Nostferatu dancing courtosey of The Brendan Donnelly.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


I'm kind of bored of doing this blog, so I've made myself a deal: When young people finally stop posting pictures of themselves doing drugs on their Flickr and Facebook pages, I'll stop. I mean, as a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't want your grandparents to see you doing something, don't post it on the internet.

Oh wait. She doesn't mind her grandparents seeing this.

Back to the fucking drawing board for me.
Thanks to anon who sent me this from her friend's Facebook.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Having Difficulty Getting the Keg Tapped

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sorry I Missed the Party at Neverland Ranch

Man Day Thursday: Double Dosage

God, I've been feeling pretty wussy lately. I really need to see some guys just enjoying the company of other guys, total naturally. I need a big potent dosage of testosterone cut with ball sweat. I think I need.... a DOUBLE DOSAGE!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Caveman Times

I think it's interesting how there's so many shows on TV that are just about watching people sign or dance. All the possibilities that the moving image can afford us - complicated narratives, special effects, Spellingvision. Yet what we really want to see is just that oldest and simplest form of entertainment - watching someone sing and dance. This has been the crowd favorite since caveman times, our tastes have not evolved at the pace of the technology.

The internet is a lot like this too - as much as it's given us all these crazy new possibilities, the truth has come out that what people really just want to see is cats doing funny stuff. Which you really didn't need the internet for.

So these aren't really "party pictures", but there's beer involved, so it's kind of party-related. And all I really care about is seeing funny pictures of cats. I'm like a caveman; I just can't help myself. Sorry.

Cats in beer boxes:

Cats drinking beer:

I love that this orange guy is drinking a Miller Chill.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Need You Tonight

One of the best treats on Flickr is to occasionally come across some candid pictures of famous people. Such was the case when I found this. I was searching for photos tagged with "party 1986", and the thumbnail of this giant very white guy and the very small black girl caught my eye, so I clicked on the details, and I was in for a real treat. The description of the photo reads, "Gary and Hutch from INXS drop by for a party, Munich, 1986. Cost me around $1500 in damages to check out of the hotel room the next day :(" Holy Kung Fu: The Legend Continues, it's actually Michael Hutchence!

From the other details in the photostream, it seems like the photographer was in an 80s band that opened for INXS, and now he just has a lot of photographs of scenery and planes.

Is is kind of corny to really like INXS? Because if it is, call me Mordechai and throw me in the cornfield. People never talk about them, and you've never heard some new band said their main influence is INXS. But their hits are impeccable - think about it - you might not think you like them, but if any of their singles came on the radio, you definitely wouldn't change the station, and you'd think to yourself "haven't heard this in a while.."

But then again, you've put this on every mix tape you've ever sent me:

Tough Call

On one hand, you know she'd be easy to bone cuz she's clearly up for anything, but on the other hand those lederhosen look really hard to get off.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Impromtu Dance Party Awareness

Impromptu dance parties in your apartment are so much fun, but there's that one moment where you kind of become too aware of the moment and then you're kind of concentrating. It's like you're MTV and you just co-opted your own fun; you're trying to carefully imitate some cooler version of yourself that existed 5 seconds earlier.

Point is, even in your most joyful moments of sheer bliss, your own miserable self is just lurking around the corner, about to ruin it. Happy Monday.

Cleveland Dreamer

The biggest dream you have have for attending a crummy house party of some friend of a friend you barely know is that you might end up in a steamy makeout session up against the stove next to a case of Natural Ice. And if by some luck that dream does actually happen, you'll probably be so excited you'll have some sort of unpleasant anal leakage like this guy.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

I was just sent these photos from a Yale sorority's father-daughter house kegger. I kind of really don't have anything to say about these; I guess they're interesting to post in the sense that they're vaguely embarrassing and the novelty of middle aged men in suits doing beer bongs, but more than anything it's kind of sweet, right?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Never Trust Anyone Over 30

The difference between people under 30 and people over 30 is that no one under 30 would ever have two giant poodles that they throw birthday parties for. Sure, they might have a pet dog and have a dog birthday party, but they would not have two giant poodles. This is only something middle aged people would ever do.

And while people over 30 can be cool to talk to or hang out with because their wise and pay your rent, this picture is the exact reason you just can't really relate to them on a level of being sane and not owning giant poodles.

Ok, I'll admit, it's not really like the typical 31 year old. I guess I should really more specify that there's no way that this guy does NOT have a Costco or Sam's Club membership and a second fridge in the basement.

Prepare Your Marriage Proposals

If this vision holding the business end of a beer bong in a homemade Blues Brothers patch on her sweatshirt wasn't enough......

...she's also the photographer for one of my all-time favorite photos from a previous post on this blog:

Friday, June 19, 2009

Parties that Take a Turn for the Something Else

This starts out as a typical Friday night with a few beers on the couch at someone's parents' house. No one heard of any parties and there's nothing to do out to do.

But at some point, a few photos later, the evening has taken a turn and one of those two brown haired girls on the couch is now wearing nothing but the blue and yellow flannel shirt of the guy.

May all your Friday nights END UP like this.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

No Thank You

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Future Child Molester of the Year Award


Minions of the Snacks

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Oh Hello!!!!

Oh hi! It's just me, just bloggin' to ya. Here I am in my bedroom as usual, it's about 1pm and I guess I've about polished off this bottle of Chardonnay and a few brewskis, no big whup. Well, I guess not to much to report here. Oh yeah, I picked up this cute purple number over at Conway - you guys like? I'm pretty into fashion, and I hear animal print is totally IN this season; thought this little ditty was just so flirty and fun for summer oh-nine, right?

Oh! My dealer just paged me back, so I gotta go run out ot the payphone at the deli around the corner to hit him back. Ta-ta for now, friendsies!

Bloody Noses; Great Times

Someone just sent me this photo with the explanation that her grandmother accidentally hit her brother in the nose while wildly dancing at what I'm guessing is a cruise ship disco. However, I think this sounds like a convenient explanation to grandma about a coke binge in the bathroom.


Thanks, MaryKate for this incriminating picture of your relatives.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Blue Drink

What the heck is that blue beverage she has in her hand? Estrogen hormones and Gatorade? The latest Smirnoff Ice flavor "pool water"? Listerine?

Georgi vodka has its own version of the Smirnoff Ice, but way worse. It comes in several flavors, and the worst of all is the one that's not even named after a fruit or flavor, it's just called "Blue". The blue flavor in candies is always a bit of a mystery, it doesn't quite taste like anything you've ever tasted. Well, the Blue Georgi is no mystery - it tastes like deli. If you could translate the smells, sights, and ethos of the average bodega and made it into a flavor, this would be the exact taste. Take my word for it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Welcome Home

TGIF Moar!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Man Day Thursday

You know what I want this morning? I want a stack of pancakes with a side of hot steaming sausage fest. I want to catch a whiff of Axe body spray, Keystone Ice, and Marlboro lights. I want to do poppers with a bunch of 20 year old twinks in puka shell necklaces listening to Junior Vasquez on a lime green first generation iPod mini hooked up to computer speakers in an. I want to press my dick right up to the asshole of homosexuality but my purity ring commitment tells me not to put it all the way in.

I'm officially starting Man Day Thursday, featuring all the beefcakes, man hunks, and virility you can stand to look at before you feel compelled to get a faux-leather belt case for your cellphone to wear on your cargo shorts and Ron Jon Surf Shop tee.

Do you smell that? It smells like homosocial behavior.... can you spot the most homoerotic of these?

Shirtless bros erecting giant tin phallic totem:

Steaming serving of man soup:

Beer skirts:

Towels and beers:

Huggle snuggle time:

Keg standings:

Nude funnel:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day at the Races

Dear Rush-loving, feather-haired, cameltoe-flaunting, chain-smoking girl gang:

Please let me join.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Looking at this photo is a good test to tell if you shouldn't allowed with 200 yards of a school zone or not.