Depressing Bachelorette Party

The description of this photo is "bachelorette party", which just depresses me in like 1,000 different ways.

Pet Cemetery

I used to know this acquaintance, a friend of a friend from college (I'll call her Denise).  She was awful  - always complaining, never smiled, was kind of mean, and oddly unanimated, like a toy with run-down batteries.

My way of describing her was that she used to be a charming and beautiful girl whom someone loved very dearly.  Then, Denise died an untimely death, and her loved one couldn't bear to part from her, so he buried her in the haunted pet cemetery.  She came back to life alright, but instead of the charming sweet person she used to be, she was what is presently Denise. 

She was a pet cemetery version of a normal person.

If you don't understand what I'm describing, please use this visual guide:

New Blog, New Excuses

I made a new blog, and it's actually quite time-consuming to search Twitter (the search function is highly temperamental), so I've been too lazy to post any pics for the past few days.  So please enjoy this momentarily:


Dumb Tweets @ Brands

Imagine how mad this guy is when someone dares to attempt to rip off his nanny when he has tasked her to go buy a laptop!  He must use so many hashtags on meaningless words to convey this! 

Who would have guessed he lives in Manhattan?

Best Daddy in the World

This Father's Day, show that you're a real family man with your custom photo belt buckle with your baby's face on it.  You'll look like a loving father, even when passed out drunk with wet jeans from pissing yourself!

A True Wicked Pissa Gentleman

A true gentleman assists ladies in the proper shotgun technique.

Karoke Bros Catch on Fire

This gif just came to me from Max Wowch, my co-blogger (ew, did I just type that word?) at WRAPAROUNDS! and Not Official Merch.  He asked if I post animated gifs, and I said, not really, but this particular example of the dangers of karaoke must be shown.  If only for the fire-safety precaution.

Btdubs, this image came from mlkskh.com, which I don't really know if it'll ever work, but I'm sort of hoping it will because it's an ok idea.  You can find me at http://mlkshk.com/user/wheelchairghurl

Sharing a Beer with You

Osama bin Laden Costumes, RIP

2009's hot Halloween costume was Sarah Palin; 2010 was Snooki, and I'll bet you 100 Four Lokos that this year evvvvvvveryone will have their own take on "dead Osama bin Laden".

Of course, the Osama bin Laden costume has been around since 2002, and frankly, I don't think we'll be sad to see it's cheeky "I'm wearing a shocking costume!" sensibility and unsettlingly unsublte racism go.

Au revoir, Osama bin Laden costume (2002-2010).

Down the Pink Hatch

Bong Sucking Lips

JaegerLicker

Happy Belated Mother's Day

Because you're so very special, I searched for "milf gift" and found this for you, mom:

Derby Madness

The Kentucky Derby was this weekend, and who gives a hoot because it's nowhere near as epic as the fucked up insane debauchery that happens at Preakness. They can ban hooligans from the infield, but they can't make people stop being total wasted jerks*.

Plus, this is really the only derby that matters, right?

*See video for "the running of the urnials" at Preakness where people get pelted with 1,000 bud Lite cans while running across the top of port-o-potties.  This is what classy horse racing is all about:

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Gringos!

The Most Beautiful Hairs, Pt. 2

Hello, Boys!