Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Teenage Caveman

My DEEP THOUGHTS are kind of on the same brainwavelength as an irritating 2nd grader, so a game I like to play a lot is called "who thought of that first?" Usually this goes back far enough to caveman times; things that are deeply ingrained in human culture, but are clearly culture, not nature. Like cooking an egg or eating the heart of an artichoke. Why would anyone look at an artichoke and think "maybe even though the leaves taste like poison and have sharp thorns, there might be something deep down there that's delicious if boiled and dipped in butter!"

I understand the biological impetus for genital copulation, but who was that first caveman who french kissed? Who looked over at Oog and thought, "golly, her gaping maw looks inviting - I'd like to put my mouth right on top of it and mush it around!" Or maybe there IS an biological imperative for mouth kissing - like the way birds instinctively know mating calls, maybe humans have a evolutionary instinct that says "I want to suck on the hole in your face where you stick your food in." I understand evolutionary biological reasons for why men are into big boobs and women are into guys that treat them like shit, but the kissing thing is still a mystery.

I mean.... would you want to stick your mouth on this?
Photobucket

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

um what's the evolutionary advantage for girls being into guys that treat them like shit?

Anonymous said...

to nerd out for a moment:

its actually about testing genetic compatiblity. people enjoy the "taste" of kissing people they are more compatible with, and vice versa.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/13/AR2009021303465.html

Anonymous said...

Whatever, hissister is hot.

Anonymous said...

Mos Def, I like the sis

edward said...

makes me wish we used spores instead.

Kevin said...

I'm with Anonymous #1. We are going to require that you explain why girls are into assholes. I have always wandered that myself.

Anonymous said...

Kissing is gross and otherwise unnecessary past like, junior prom. First base in adulthood is like, drunken fingerbanging at the back of the bar.

party pooper said...

RE: girls being into assholes: it's one of those biological remnants from caveman times. the characteristics of being an asshole -macho, aggressiveness, etc- are related to the same characteristic that would make for a good caveman and good wooly mammoth hunter.

Anonymous said...

SOME women like to be treated like shit. Some men do, too. That shit is a sexist stereotype and also, bullshit. Love, a woman who likes to be nice to people that are nice to her. And hot sex and weed.

Anonymous said...

I think you guys mean 'women'. Just saying. I am an adult woman, and I LOVE sex with dudes. I like ones that are just respectful and smart and stuff, etc. I don't brook bullshit with assholes. No how. But I do tend to find bigger, slightly more muscular guys HOT. Especially if they don't wear any cologne and have slight b.o... yow. :P And lastly, I will say that I get turned on watching MMA and Ultimate Fighting matches. I abhor violent people. But, is watching well-toned, scantily clad men beat the shit out of each other suuuper sexy? Yes. Hmm. Sorry, TL;DR...

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah: Party Pooper, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And I'm out.

Anonymous said...

you should never have explained the girls into assholes theory, that ruined the genious of this post.