Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I was looking through some of my old pictures lately, and I saw one where I was doing the devil horns hand signal. I wanted to build a time machine, go back in time to the past me just before the picture was taken, grab a rope and a butcher's cleaver, tie my arm down and chop off my index and pinky fingers so that I could never, ever make that photo happen.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
This is the difference between men and women. Since men have short hair and don't need their friends to hold their hair for them while they puke, male friends basically have open season for goofing on you while you puke.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Doesth thou not know that in medieval tymes that a portly stature was a sign that a gentleman was of great wealth and importance? You ingrate knaves, only a lowly commoner wouldst posses defined abdominals from the work of tilling the fields of my fiefdom.
Thanks to Philip for this photo.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I don't know what to think about this girl. On one hand, she's a total square cheeseball, but on the other hand, I just can't deny that she looks like a lot of fun. I think the final verdict is coming down to the fact that of her Flickr photostream, she appears in about 95% of her own photos, which is kind of borderline personality disorder-ish.
Whenever I see people who appear in almost all of their own photos, I always wonder how they manage this. Are they just always asking someone else to use their camera for them? I feel like the etiquette when you want a photo of yourself is to gamely take a few pictures of others first so you don't appear too vain. Or maybe they take lots of pictures, but then only bother to upload the ones of themselves?
Monday, November 16, 2009
When I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and screaming, this is what the nightmare I was just having looks like. Eating off paper plates while standing and wearing lanyards, the two prongs on the serpent tongue of awkwardness:
Friday, November 13, 2009
Recently, I did an interview with Evil Monito magazine, and you can read the article here. The best part was that Jennifer Chen, who interviewed me, just sent me this picture last night because she thought I'd enjoy it. I was like, "hey, I didn't say you could bring photos of my mother into this." wah wah. Joooookes.
The best part of this picture is it takes place at Senor Frog's.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I have never been to a strip club, but I have this very clear image in my mind of what it would be like, completely from TV and movies. That's a kind of strange thing, to have this fully formed idea of some experience only from movies that you've never actually experienced. Recently, I had a brush with a strip club, but fell short. I went to an all-male strip club, and it was the pits. There was no real nudity! Sure, the on stage performers took their shirts off and showed a little thigh, but there's only one piece of goods guys have to show, and there was nary a peen in sight! Even more insulting, the guys who would work the room for lapdances were wearing jeans. What a cockblock.
Recommendation: this was at that big club that looks like a bank next to Mercury Lounge, and it's called Hunk-O-Mania. I found this male stripper service that will come to your house called Strippers in the Hood that I have to say looks about a million times better.
Normally, I like to wait until the weekend to think about groping nude man lovehandles, but today I just can't wait anymore. I need to see some men really giving it their ALL. I need to see some man lapdances in all their self-conscious, unappealing glory.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
This looks like a great party because they sprung for the giant sized Jack bottle, have delicious Suzy Q snacks handy, and have a cool collection of stuffed bunny rabbits in sunglasses. Have you ever been invited to a BBQ where it was suggested you bring your own meat to grill, as if you might actually schlep around a raw steak like it was a 6 pack of Heineken you picked up from the deli on the corner? Nice to see the art of hostessing is not completely gone.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I love two things: partying and eating. But a cruel god has fated it so that mixing the two activities is an insult to either one. You're stuck trying to balance a paper plate on your lap looking like a moron. If you have to stand you have to fine a place to put down your drink while you shovel food into your mouth.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Halloween was last Saturday, and you went as Lady Gaga, right? Some of you were a little more convincing than others. Let's see how your poker face stacked up against the rest of the Gaga nation:
Almost works, except you couldn't remove the drawstring from the sweatpants?
Jeans? Seriously....JEANS AND FLATS!??! You need to attend night classes at the White Lightning University of Reality Checks if you think this is what a Lada Gaga costume constitutes.
Good attempt on top, but Staten Island secretary on the bottom fails:
I'll give a little leeway on this one because she's obviously in an office, so I understand why she didn't go full throttle with a pantless look, but this is pretty off the mark with a pink wig and print dress:
This is just clearly hobbled together from regular clothes already in her closet:
I can't get off the Delia's mailing list either, but I don't let it shape my life:
A fail and a win. man-Lady Gaga is win; lady-Lady Gaga is fail:
Far and away the best Gaga is this lil' fella. I'm your biggest fan: