Thanks to Chelsey for this pic from her 13 year old cousin's Facebook profile.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Good eve, my cherished guest, and welcome to mine RenFayre dinner party. As thine hostess, I bid you to please maketh mine castles thine castle. One last thing I bessech of thee - please useth a coaster when thou layeth down thy Heineken. 'Twould be a pity to stain the wood finish on the table.
I must bid much thanks to the fair maiden Blair for sending me this photo.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sure, British people are easy targets, and I won't even go into that. But the one thing I have to respect is that they are a culture of people who appreciate and look good in hats. On this front, I think they rival only the Italians in hat excellence. Have you ever seen a Dane in a hat? A Greek? No. The French have the beret, but their range is critically limited.
It's shit like this party on the lawn of Buckingham Palace with a lavender explosion that outdoes Mo'nique's mama's Sunday church attire along with an old man holding a glass of Bailey's who uses his fedora to offset his complete lack of chin that makes English people special.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
True story: In 1997, a high school senior named Melissa Drexler gave birth to a baby in the bathroom during prom, left it in the trash can dead, and went back to the prom to request "Unforgiven" by Metallica and continue partying. It was a huge story in the news for a while back in '97.
Apparently, there's debate as to whether the Metallica song detail is true or not, but what people really never knew is that the baby was actually born as a full sized teenage girl. Here's an actual true photo from the birth:
Thursday, August 20, 2009
When you decide to drink enough to pass out, I guess you are implicitly accepting that your friends may drawn on your face. In this case, everything unfolded just as it should - the disturbingly lifelike eyes that appear to be open and gold glitter pen are some new artistic touches. Except for one thing... you never saw this coming from your friend with whiteguy dreads, did you?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I don't want to brag, but I'm something of a matchmaker. One time I set up two friends on a date, and after a few dates, the girl reported that the guy was aggressive and left her threatening voicemails. What a success! It's like the time my friend Megan wanted a millionaire, and I set her up with this really sweet guy Ryan. Eat it, JDate.com!
Not at all amused you spilled your Miller Chill all over her carpet.
Strangely, this is the exact same face she'll be making when you see her at this same angle and you're spilling something else. You know, after a few Miller Chills. Catch my Tokyo Drift? I'm talking about taking it on the chin like a man. This joke is stupid and borderline misogynistic. Sorry.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Do you remember before you learned what sex really was, you had kind of a vague idea about it? You didn't know the specifics of penises entering vaginas, but you knew it was something mommies and daddies did that made babies that involved touching and you saw stuff on that hinted at it? This is pretty much what I imagined it looked like.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The most out-there mindblowing thing I've seen during my first week of 2 week grand jury duty (grand jury duty is when you do 20-40 indictments over 2 weeks instead of just one case) was seeing a total hipster undercover narcotics cop testify about a drug possession case. 21 Jump Street all over the place. Tight jeans and ironic haircut - AND A BADGE! The hourlong drama on CW writes itself.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I've been on grand jury duty all week, which is really cramping my usual style of sitting on the internet searching for fan fiction and wondering what ytmnd.com would look like if it wasn't blocked on my office net filter. But mostly I miss celebrity gossip sites, even for just the 9-5 hours it's hard to be without them.
There's plenty of people who sit around playing xbox in their underwear, and I don't have much respect for that. But if you've got special pants dedicated to it, I'm a little more impressed. And if you wear those pajama-like pants to social functions and parties, then that's a real win for me. Wearing your jim-jammies to parties is both showing your dedication to relaxation and video games while also clearly demonstrating you don't give a fuck.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I'm always flattered when other sites post a picture from this blog, and there's no blog I've been as excited to have been noticed by than Chubarama.net, a blog dedicated to the beauty of big men, which was pleased with my post from last week about two guys arm wrestling shirtless. The chubby chaser fetish in the gay community has got to be the one I can most relate to. Not just because I love fatties too, but because part of what everyone hates about gay men is the whole emphasis on good looks, and it's refreshing to see some guys who just want to love some fat slobs. Egalitarian.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
You know that basketball player who wears the full clear plastic face mask when he plays? I can never tell if other players think it's because he's such a wuss he's afraid of getting hurt or they're intimidated because he's so fucking crazy and might need a Silence of the Lambs mask to restain himself.
That's my party style - either super wussy or uncontrollably ragohholic, and you can never tell which one it's gonna be. You can't tell if my beer helmet is because I'm too laid back to hold beer in my hands or if it's actually protective headgear.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
A fire this close to the house seems unsafe; I'm surprised these seasoned outdoorsmen wouldn't have considered that...
My friend (and maestro of Photo Cliches, of which I am an erstwhile contributor), Neal started a new blog, Songs From High School. Which is just as it sounds - people writing about songs they liked in high school. He asked me to do one, so I wrote about "Fly" by Sugar Ray. You can read it here.