Saturday, January 31, 2009

Giant Pink Things

At first you think, "wow, that pink vest is the most disproportionally large pink thing in this photo!" But then you see the gaping maw on the girl in black, and you're like "naaaaaaaaaw way!"

Friday, January 30, 2009

Well Done.

An anonymous person sent me these pictures along with the description:

"this was this guy's first night out of jail in 3 months. so he eats a shit ton of ramen, washing it down with whiskey. kills almost a whole bottle to himself, pukes on his chest, pants, and the floor and passes out. we went over there at 2 30 or so to find our friend taping his arm to the couch, coloring his nipples, and drawing a star of david on his forehead, along with a frenchie moustache."



Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ramones Cake

Under 21

I know that it must be really cool when you're 18-21 in Europe, because you're allowed to drink at bars.

But on the other hand, think of it from your older self. Imagine you're at a bar, sipping a glass of wine, having civilized conversation on your Match.com date with a divorcee. You look over, and these chuckleheads are what you see. How pissed would you be?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Get on the Bus

A Spike Lee Joint



If I could ever reign in the sexual tension and energy I experienced on high school of late night bus trips on field trips, the Rosenbergs would sell my secret to the Russians in a nuclear arms race.

Cruisin'


Thanks, Matt.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Question the Answers

So, I have another blog with my friend Steve called Bad Question for Yahoo Answers. I was browsing around on Yahoo Answers, looking for stupid questions, and saw this charmer's query. This just seemed more appropriate for this blog instead, since it involves a bad party aftermath:

Question:
Is there an easy way to clean throw up?
sorry if this comes off as gross, but i have 5 day old throw up on a rug and it's starting to get fuzz on it because no one is cleaning it up. i have decided to clean it up, but it's Pretty old and have no idea what to clean it up with? any idea's? has any one out their cleaned a week old throw up before. any advice and also it is on the wall? thanks to all in advance. what soap, should I use. ok have a nice day.


Ah, college. Isn't it great when you live a party pad with 8 of your buddies and it's an icy standoff to see who will clean up the barf first?

This guy thinks so:


P.S. sorry if this picture totally grosses you out. It really makes me almost gag too (thank god I learned to subdue my gag reflex completely on a fourth grade field trip to the planetarium)

Awkward White People Dancing

Awkward person in the background "raising the roof".



Awkward grinding:


Awkward electric sliding:


Awkward everything:

Monday, January 26, 2009

Dreadlock Girl

You can neg on white kids with dreadlocks all you want (I certainly do). But when you've just pissed the carpet in a middle of a party and you're in your boxers, slinking away on your hands and knees, you can count on the girl with the dreadlocks to be the one person not to give you shit about it.

\

Oh, and thanks to Mummy's Boys for this special lady.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Guilty as Charged

Ever suspect that your friends are secretly judging you?


Just hope that the friend look across the table from you is this girl. Because no matter who you are, she is on Your Side.

Party Corps

I'm totally amazed because when searching the most recently uploaded photos on Flickr, I found two separate users who uploaded pictures of military personnel at a buffet table within the same hour. What are the chances? The snack stars must be aligned!



Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sharp Dressed Man

That's a pretty fancy plaid sports coat for a guy holding a jug of Carlo Rossi, eh?

The Look of Love

Friday, January 23, 2009

Chivalry Is......

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Incident at Bounce Castle

Ohhhhhh..... So That's What They're For

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Black Tie Inaguration Party

I am seeing two giant shining orbs of Hope, how about you?

Girls

Sometimes girls will pretend they care about "guy stuff" like video games or football. They're not. The truth is, the only thing girls ever actually care about is whether to cut bangs/grow out their bangs. The way that men think about sex every 7 seconds, that's how women think about bangs.

This girl in the pink skirt would seemingly appeal to both nerds and jocks - she's wearing Lord of the Rings elf ears and has football on tv. But before you submit your marriage proposals, I can guarantee all that's running through her mind is "should I grow these bangs out?"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Twins

Monday, January 19, 2009

Low Life Sneaking a Grope Under the Miller High Life

Postcards from the Edge.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lone Star Crossed Lovers

Conga Line at a Second Life Meetup

No wonder people are so into Second Life. Online, your avatar is free from the indignity of sweaty pitstains.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Snacks in a Napkin

Friday, January 16, 2009

Oopsadoodle! Party Foul!

Lanyards

I've lived a pretty sheltered life, mainly because around age 19 I became so obese I couldn't leave the house, like the mother in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. But what I learned before then was that you should never, EVER trust someone wearing a lanyard. If you're actually willing to sacrifice not looking like a total douche for whatever benefits the lanyard is affording you, you're so clearing drunk on power you'll probably piss the bed.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Weird Aunts Unite

Now that your weird aunt has gotten her massage therapist license, her pet macaw's post-traumatic stress-disorder has cleared up, and her shipments of specialty Thai vitamins has arrived, she's ready to boogie.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Study Buddy


Thanks to Julia for the photo.

Party On


Check out the rad overalls on the guy in the background.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Will You Be Prepared for that 3am Phone Call?


Paid for by Friends of Drunk Bloody Guy for president.

This is my "topical" election humor 3 months too late. FAIL.

Never Forget

My mind just blew wide open when someone just sent me this photoshopped image. Thanks to Steve for making this and his friend Rosa coming up with the idea.

I promise tomorrow I'll get back to posting party pictures. Oh, and if you like hilarious Photoshop collages, please check out Brendan Donnelly's Photoshop Skills. If you don't crap yourself when looking at these, you might be Michael L. Jacobson.

Brendan just emailed me with a special collage he made:

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Grinch Who Stole Sparks

After I had posted on Saturday about the ban on Sparks energy-beer, I couldn't stop mulling it over in my mind, like a lover that left on unfinished terms. Something just didn't add up. What exactly happened to make MillerCoors agree to stop producing it? It not like it's easy to push around giant multinational corporations. What powerful entity had the clout to put the kibosh on the Sparks party??? Who killed Sparks?????

Well, it turns out it's this guy:


Michael F. Jacobson is the head of a nonprofit organization called the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which lobbies for stricter food and beverage regulations. The CSPI convinced five states' attorneys general that the combination of energy and booze in Sparks was dangerous, and the attorney generals brought a lawsuit to MillerCoors. MillerCoors settled and agreed to take the energy ingredients out. You can read the CSPI's press release about it here.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Party Pooper.

I don't want to sound like too much of a hardline Libertarian private-militia type, but I don't like the government stepping in and forcing a company to stop producing a popular product that's safely enjoyed by many adults, just because there's a risk that some teens might go nuts on it. This isn't like cigarettes where there's a genuine health risk to anyone who smokes them; this is a ban on a product because of the potential behavioral affect it might have on a specific group (teens) who are already legally banned from using it. Sparks isn't unhealthy for you, it just might make you act like an idiot. And goddammit if it isn't my right to choose if I want to act like an idiot or not.

Look, I know this isn't exactly the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in terms of important issues, but this is your government, and it's being bullied by some nerd with wire rimmed glasses and a Just for Men dadstache who hates to party. Petty as it sounds, this is one small issue that stands for a lot of bigger issues. You've gotta fight for your Right to Party. Here's what I propose:

Write an email to Michael L. Jacobson. Tell him you're a responsible adult, and you don't appreciate what he did - you already have one dad to resent and that's plenty. Copy and paste the following email to him at cspi@cspinet.org:

Dear Michael L. Jacobson,

I am writing to let you know that you are officially NOT invited to any more of my parties. Because your organization was responsible for killing Sparks, you're kind of a party pooper. You're going to really miss out, because if you were at my party, you'd be doing some wild dancing, members of the opposite sex would suddenly look more attractive than usual, you would have made friends with a stranger in line for the bathroom, and you probably wouldn't be able to remember all of it the next day. Too bad you'll miss it.


Sincerely,

[Your Name], [Age ]
[Your Mailing Address]

If you send this and CC me - sorryimissedyrparty@gmail.com - I will mail you a homemade "FREE SPARKS" pin as a thank-you. That's right - I will mail you a homemade pin. How LiveJournal is that?!


Facebook this shit - get all your friends to write in. Tell those weird high school friends you feel awkward about keeping in touch with anyway to write in. Yes, I know an email-writing campaign won't reverse the decision, but I want this organization to know that there's actually responsible adults out there who enjoyed Sparks are and NOT grateful they took it away.

Oh, and if you're under 21, please don't send him the email (it will undermine the Cause) - if you want a pin, and you're under 21, let me know and I'll send you one anyway.

UPDATE: Sorry, I have no more pins, but feel free to write a letter anyway. Thanks to everyone who wrote in!

Black Shorts Surprise!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sleepyhead

According to Laura, who sent me this picture, this guy fell asleep at their after-prom party in this position for 2 hours.

I guess that just like so many of his other nights, he spent prom night alone with his hand.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

R.I.P. Sparks Tongue

As you've probably heard, MillerCoors is discontinuing Sparks due to government concerns that it was too popular with teenagers and its energy and booze combination was dangerous. Today is officially the last day that Sparks is being manufactured, although stores will keep selling it until the inventory runs out. My sound investment plan for this economy is to buy a ton of Sparks and wait a year, then sell it on eBay for a million bucks a six pack.

Personally, I never liked Sparks because of the terrible taste, but I'd don't like the government telling me what I can and cannot drink to put myself into a daterapeable stupor. Keep your laws out of my liver, Uncle Sam! I guess I understand that it's important to protect our impressionable youth; they are our future, after all. And lets be honest - has anyone ever actually enjoyed a Sparks "responsibly"? But this doesn't fully mitigate the sting of the fact that the Spark moratorium happened when Sparks had been planning the debut of "Sparks Red". We'll never know what Red Sparks could have been, but I can only assume that the red color is to symbolize the blood that will run in the streets as you go on a booze and taurine-fueled rage spree.

One of the victims of the great Sparks Prohibition is a "Sparks tongue", the bright orange hue your tongue turns after drinking a few. In honor of this sad day, here's a bunch of pictures of Sparks tongue. Memory lane has never tastes so much like orangey cough syrup.




















Boyz II Men "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday":