Sunday, November 30, 2008

This Is How They Do It in South Africa?

Donald sent me these pictures (his own FAIL notations included) of his friends in an email titled "This is how we do it in South Africa". If this is actually how people "do it" in South Africa, then a lot more question opened than answered for me. Here's everything I previously knew about South Africa:

1. It has three separate capital cities.
2. In 11th grade, a kid transferred into my class from South Africa, improbably named Trevor Player. He was really good looking and played on the soccer team, and all the girls were interested in him at first, though he never ended up living up to the name. He got in trouble a lot.

I'm not sure how these new pictures are figuring in to my my limited knowledge of how things are "done" in South Africa. Please allow these pictures to weave themselves into your own personal South African knowledge narrative.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

I Feel a Little Poke Coming Through, On You...

Remember in the movie Soul Man the white girl who wants to date C. Thomas Howell just to piss off her uptight father? You can see on this girl's face right now the moment it just occurred to her how much she can get back at her dad.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Self Loathing

Forget cutting, people who really have inner pain just give themselves the finger in public uncontrollably.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What Are You Thankful For?






Wednesday, November 26, 2008

PWND!!!1!!11!


Thanks to Nina for sending me this photo.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

How to Make Your Parents Proud

When you're a kid, there's so many opportunities of tangible evidence to make your parents proud - , macaroni glued to construction paper, photographs from your ballet recital or little league to send to Grandma, positive parent-teach conferences.

But when you get to college, the artwork to magnetize on the fridge dry up, and there's no more bronze ribbons from the sack race at field day. I think maybe the hardest and unspoken part of empty nest syndrome for parents is having to realize at the same time as you do that, well, you're kind of just an average person, and not destined to be an astronaut or senator.

If only there was some way you could explain to them the things that you take pride in as a mature 20 year old... that you're a beer pong champ, or that all the guys totally respect your derring-do and sense of adventure because you'll never turn down a dare, even to kiss your BFF Hailie (that's actually one of these girls' names, no joke).

Mom, dad, this one's for you. I'm thinking part of the family Christmas card photo collage:



Monday, November 24, 2008

Sunglasses at Night

I don't get it - aren't sunglasses supposed to make you look cooler?

Teen Party Pooper

Previously, I wondered if it would automatically make me a 13 year old girl if I wanted to see Twilight. Now, the more pressing question is am I definitely appearing on To Catch a Predator considering that I went to see it by myself yesterday? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.

Teen party lurking:



Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sexy Trafficking

Don't let this picture fool you - being sold into the white slave trade by the Albanian mob isn't all fun and games.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Twilight Zone

Does it make me a 13 year old girl that I really want to see that Twilight movie this weekend?




Friday, November 21, 2008

Orange Jumpsuit Fantasies

Americans have a lot of complicated emotions about their place in world, so I can understand the popularity of the Abu Ghraib prisoner/Ashley Dupre humiliation fantasy. Hey, most of my fantasies/night terrors involve the cheerleading squad from my high school human forming a human pyramid at the behest of Lynndie England.

But when you bring an Eskimo into that, that's some freaky stuff I draw the line at. He may have 51 words for snow, but won't adhere to an agreed "safe word".

Coors & Friendship Bracelets: 1988

Thursday, November 20, 2008

This Is Why You Should Be Nice To Your Interns

Someone just sent me this photo along with this description:

"I was doing an internship a year ago, and this douche was the head of my department. Mind you he was at the time a newlywed who just had a baby and another 1 on the way. Mind you this is at the company Xmas party. In front of CEO'S and everyone, and that's not his wife."

Anyone reading this who works in an office: go buy your intern lunch right now. You don't want to taste their wrath.

Thanks to the anonymous angry intern who send me this. I'll be writing your letter of recommendation shortly.

Enormous Prom Dress

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Suicide Attempt (FAIL)

I'm sick of living. I'm going to end it all. I'm going to drink a whole bottle of bleach. Quick, someone me get a paper umbrella and two bendy straws.


Thanks to Ste for sending me this picture of his failed attempt to shake his mortal shackles.

Paper Hat Man Is Not Amused

Wallflowers

It's so sad to see a beautiful young girl suffer from crippling shyness.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Hate My Friends

You know what? Screw all my stupid friends. They are always trying to tell me about like their feelings and what happened on their date last night and try to invite me to their stupid parties. I'm ditching them all.

I've got all the friends I need right here at home. I've got Mr. Teddy, Captain Fuzzy, and Princess Monkey. Who's lonely NOW, JERKS?

Love Rubdown

Why do I get the distinct feeling that the next words out of his mouth are going to be "Would you like a massage?"

Missed Connections

Have you ever seen someone across the room in a restaurant or crowded bar, and felt this immediate connection, but you didn't know how to say it? Perhaps the girl sitting at the table behind you, something draws you to her.

You felt paralyzed by anxiety, and couldn't find the words; yet you knew you both shared something that was so obvious and clear. Two plaid ships passing in the night.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Chug Race

Race to get out of Dad's garage's.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

What Women Want

See the guy in the white shirt in the background, and the defeated look on his face? That's the look of realizing that everything he thought he knew about what women want in a man just flew out the fucking window.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Before and After




Thanks to Jory for his pictures of his transformative experience.

Reality Bites

On reality competition shows, contestants are always trying to prove to the judges and their other contestants how much they want it. There's always lots of discussion where the judge is like "I don't know if you really want to be here," and then the contestant says "I WANT this so bad I want it more than starving children in Africa want a hot meal and affordable AIDS medicine." This is something that isn't paralleled in real life. It's not like when you're at your job, your boss says "I'm not convinced you want to update this Excel spreadsheet enough." No one really cares what you want or how much you want it.

In real life, it's better not be constantly trying to show how much you "want it". Because you'll end up coming off like this:

Friday, November 14, 2008

What's a Catholic Priest's Favorite Cocktail?

A: A bloody hail mary!!!
Bet you thought this was going to be a pedophile joke, right? I'm ABOVE that.

Ok, who am I kidding? A priest's favorite cocktail is his own semen felched out of the anus of a 8 year old boy. With a celery stalk garnish.
Thanks to Reed who found this photo as one of the most recently uploaded Flickr pictures.

Hold My Hand and Never Let Me Go


Thanks to Matthew Phelan for the picture of his friends from high school. And to Matthew Phelan's friends from high school: you may commence shoving Matthew in a locker in retaliation.

Macarena FAIL

You're supposed to put your hands on your own hips...

Thanks Nick, for sending this photo from your personal spring break memories.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Epic Fap Material


Thanks to Cavale for the photo.

English Hunting Party

"Well I say, Higgins, I do love a good party!"
"Jolly good! I think I see a fox - and I'm talking about your wife! Ho ho ho ho ho!"

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Passed Out Whoopee Cushion

If you have your favorite baseball team bedding and jersey hanging up next to your bed, and have a teddy bear, it's a bit of surprise that you're also old enough to pass out after guzzling a bottle of Bacardi.

Here's a Riddle

Q: What do you get if you cross Adam Duritz of Counting Crows with your period?

A: This guy:

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

1975 Prom

Two pantsuits in love.

The Shining: Beer Cans

Remember that scene in The Shining where the beautiful naked lady comes out of the bathtub, and Jack Nicholson starts making out with her, and then she turns into a hideous old rotting woman? These two photos from the same party are basically that same scene, but with beer instead of babes. Just as seductive, and just as horrifying.

The succulent, nubile tub of cold ones:


The horror of the pile of trash in your stairwell the next day:

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Serious Case of Blue Balls

Horny Smurf:

Thanks to Haig who just sent me a billion photos for this one.

A Monday Present

Hate Mondays? If peeping this diptych of a guy in a "BO KNOW ...." shirt and eating a boob cake doesn't chase away your bad case of the Mondays, then I can only recommend you consider getting back on the antidepressants, even if it did kill your libido.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

UPDATE: WTF Costume Deciphered

Some very clever readers unraveled the mystery of the WTF costume from yesterday. It's supposed to be a photo negative of a person (all colors are opposite).

Toner Huffer made a photo to demonstrate the costume where he did a negative of the photo. This photo definitely deserves my favorite overused phrase: "disturbingly lifelike".



The original photo: