Monday, June 30, 2008

Over the Moon

When someone sent me this photo of their friends, I first thought it was just a boring picture of some bad drunken dancing. Then I saw the wisenheimer mooning them.

If you enjoy surreptitious moonings, and you haven't already seen this page on Photobombing, please make sure to. I literally tear up everytime I see it. It doesn't get old.


Thanks to Alexis for this photo. She will paint your dog.

Bachelorette Party

It's funny, you wouldn't peg these ladies as the type to hire a black little person stripper. This is really uncomfortable on a lot of levels. GET IT? Different levels?

Oy vey.




(Thanks, Mitch.)

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Nice Rasta Hat/Wig Combo

I can't tell whose hat offends me more.

I Have A Dream

See, I don't see race or gender when I look at a person. I just see a person. So to me, when I first saw this photo, I was confused because I thought I was seeing triple of one person in this photo, like some crazy photoshopping effect. Turns out, I was seeing double because I'm stoned out of my mind, but that's neither here nor there.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Burka/Tie-Dye Dance Party

Which do you think this is: the Chicken Noodle Soup or the Soulja Boy?

Party Hats

You can either act like you're too cool to wear a party hat, or you can embrace it and make the world know that nothing can flap your cool. I think the choice is clear.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sorry I Didn't Help You Clean Up the Next Day

Actually, I'm not sorry at all. What a nightmare.

Your Dad Spent The Whole Night On His Knees...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Guitar Hero

Isn't is always awkward when someone whips out a guitar at a party? I had to hide the guitar in my apartment after a while to stop guests from doing this and ruining the party.



Actually, that rule doesn't apply if it's this guy. He's welcome to jam anytime:



Sexual Tension

The sexual tension here is so thick you could cut it with a chainsaw. Get a room already, jeez!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Ice House Rules

You'd think at least this guy would be drinking Sam Adams, but no. Have you ever actually seen anyone ever drink a Sam Adams at a party? Me neither. It's total dad beer. Until you sire a child (knowingly), you can still drink shitty domestic beer. Once you have kids, you instantly crave Sam Adams and you can never drink Icehouse again.


I Hate Beer Pong, part 2

Another problem with beer pong is it requires you to concentrate really hard when you're drunk. There's only two things I can concentrate on when I'm drunk and they are:
A) how can I get laid
B) where's my other shoe

Look at the intensity in this guy's furrowed brow and steely glare. He looks like he's about to pull an epic daredevil Jenga block removal. The only time I concentrate that hard is when popping bacne.


Via

Monday, June 23, 2008

Spaghetti Vomit

Someone just emailed me this picture they took of their friend who had passed out drunk. After this picture was taken, he threw up a spaghetti dinner. Have you ever seen someone throw up spaghetti? It's one of the most disgusting things you can throw up, because the noodle strands get caught halfway in your throat and you have to huck them out. Plus, it retains its form, so it still looks exactly like a delicious bowl of spaghetti, but served up in your toilet.

As if this poor guy hasn't suffered enough.

Shamrock Shake

A SHAMROCK??? Your friend passes out on the floor and the best thing you can think of to draw on his face is a shamrock???? For shame! Have you never heard of penises and swastikas?


Via

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Swedish Midsommar Parties

This photo is from this weekend's Midsommar holiday in Sweden. I think Midsommar is kind of like the 4th of July where you drink all day and eat a lot of food outside.

It's got to be hard to be the chubby guy in Sweden, right? All your other blond, svelte friends look great shirtless, and you'll left staring at the empty bag of boxed wine, wishing you could crawl inside and hide your manboobs.


Via

Abductions

A semester abroad is all fun and games until you wake up in the trunk of a Fiat, gagged and bound. I've seen "Hostel"; I know what is about to happen.


Via

Ugh.

Ugg.


Via.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Old Lady Body

Dancing in a bikini sounds like a good idea, but you have to remember that when you do certain dance moves, it crinkles up your body so you look like an old woman with a young face. Like the scary lady who comes out of the bathtub in "The Shining".


Via.

Sorry I Missed Your Slideshow

I'm sure it was really engaging and informative.

Totally Embarrassing

I can't believe my mom and dad are soooooooo embarrassing! I could DIE!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Party Trooper

A good party guest is that really low maintenance person who you never have to worry if she's having a good time. Some people spend a whole party texting on the cell phone to find out where the next party that's better and more fun is going to be, or asking you if there's any beer in the fridge that they can take.

The ideal laid-back party guest can strike up a conversation with anyone, brings her own case of Colt 45, and doesn't even mind if a hobo-lady happens to pass out in her lap. If only you could rent this girl out to have at your next function.

Beer Fairy

This guy really understands how simple social dynamics at a party are. You can look like the biggest weirdo out there, but as long as you're bringing the beer, you're everyone's best friend.

Stoner Decor

How is it that stoners have been listening exclusively to the same 5 bands since 1968? Have there been no major improvements in stoner music in the last 40 years? I'd bet my third nipple that the framed record hanging on the wall next to the pot leaf poster is Bob Marley, the Grateful Dead, Phish, or Dave Matthews.

Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Party Hints: Theme Decorations

When you're throwing an orgy, the proper mood setting is very important. Dim the lights, tack up some blacklight posters, and toss some Luther Vandross on the tape deck.

I really recommend you stay away from streamers and helium balloons of the Yellow M&M guy. The M& M guys are proven boner killers.

Ralphing

It's a very common thing for serious athletes to vomit after a hard training session. At a competitive level, this is nothing uncommon for swimmers or marathon runners. For this guy, there's no shame in ralphing after finishing that 5k bike race to benefit feline HIV.

Especially if you're like most top-level athletes and you eschew Gatorade or plain water for the real athlete's secret - Mad Dog 20/20. Lance Armstrong drinks it like mother's milk, I'm sure.

I just don't understand where the bedpan came from.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

All's Well That Ends Well

Trust me, this is not going to end well.

Bud Lite

Didn't the old Bud Lite cans look so much better? That's the kind of can design you would want to print on a bikini. Now it looks like Nestea, or some NASCAR-themed energy drink. Actually, I guess Bud Lite kind of is a energy drink for NASCAR fans, in a way, right?

Smell My Finger

How much more clear can this guy make it that he does NOT want to smell your finger?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Oh Hi there!

Oh hey, what's up? Grab a seat - we're just cooling in the chillout tent here. Tommy's sucking on a sick resturant grade whipped cream cannister. I don't even know if he's eating the cream or just doing the whippet - I think we ran out of cream a few hours ago when we were body painting. Either way, right?

Help yourself to some homemade komboucha - the backrub chain is starting soon.

Unappreciated

It's heartbreaking when you're trying to get Chad's attention, but he's more interesting in his stupid beer bong than you. And you're left standing there, in your underwear. Welcome to every day of my life.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I Hate You Mom and Dad!

YOU NEVER GOT ME AN R2D2 IN A TUXEDO FOR MY BIRTHDAY! YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!!!!!!

Bathing in Your Bathing Suit

On one hand, this is the perfect thing to do if you want to look really sexy and act pretty wild, but not actually get nude and lez out.

On the other hand, this is kind of like a theory about one of the "problems" in evolution theory. With something that's a complicated organ like the eye, that doesn't actually "work" until it's reached a certain final stage of evolution. The eye is so complicated that there must have been various stages of an almost-eyes before the working eye first debuted. And what's the benefit for a species of having an almost-eye?

Basically, what's the point of getting in a hot bath with your friend if you're just going to do it halfway?

P.S. Is it just me or do other people's shower loofahs give you the heebie jeebies?

Decisions, Decisions!

Don't you agree that half the fun of going to parties is the time spend getting ready? Picking out your outfits with friends, doing your hair....

Hooray for Gay Marriage!

Hi Guys!!!!!!!!!

Hi!!!!! Are you having fun? This party is crazy! I have two cups! I don't even know where I got this second cup! It's crazy!

Hold on, I'm getting a call on my pink Razr phone.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

WHO FARTED?

The Real McCoy

Today I stumbled upon the Flickr stream of the main guy in the 90s techno outfit The Real McCoy (hits include "Another Night" and "Run Away"). He has a few old tour pictures from sometime in the 90s in Asia, but what's really cool is he has this massive collection of scanned old hip hop party flyers from the 80s. I guess this isn't really a photo, but I thought it was pretty cool, especially since it came from a German techno has-been.

Rapunzel Beer Bong

Once upon a time, there lived 4 fair maidens, locked in a tower. And the gallant knights would come by and call up to them, "let down your beer bong!". The maidens would lowers a garden hose and pour in a Natty Light. And then the princes would pass out on the lawn. The end.



For added enjoyment, check out the user profile of the horny Army housewife who posted this pic. She's looking for 3-ways (no BBWs!) with her husband.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

You're So Vain

Don't you hate people who don't want to have their picture taken at a party, and try to hide their face? What are you, a celebrity? You think anyone else notices when you have a bad hair day?

I mean, how hard is it to just look at the camera and smile? You should be glad someone actually wants to take a picture of you and remember the moment.

Super lame.

Indy

If you're ever at a party, and you notice that someone is dressed like the evil priest in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, get out as quickly as possible. He is probably about to rip out the heart of the guy next to him while chanting "Kali Ma....Shakti de......."



Friday, June 13, 2008

Novelty Daquiris at the Renn Faire

Those giant daquiris they sell at amusement parks and the beach are such a rip. You think they're this amazing deal because they're only $3, but then you realize that there's no booze in them. So then you're stuck with a huge novelty glass of gross sweet slushy stuff, plus you feel like a total idiot for not knowing it was a virgin drink.

The only worse indignity is when you're at the Renn Faire and someone points out that they didn't actually have pina coladas at King Arthur's court. Or maybe she's drinking mead.

Remember Cuddle Parties?

This was the kind of thing that AM New York would love to write about. Lonely, disconnected urbanites in search of human touch getting together for a platonic cuddle party. Never really caught on, right? It was one of those hyped fads that never really existed. Like freestyle walking.

Dan Cortese, you fooled us big time. You and your bandanna.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Irish For a Day

Yes, I know it's not St. Patrick's Day, but this picture was too good to wait until next year. What an excellent example of the spirit of being "Irish for the day". I would like to show this to every idiot who doesn't think that you have to celebrate St. Patrick's Day if you're not actually Irish.

Sue, Lisa, and Grace here understand what it means to be part of a global community focused around novelty beer.

Party Hints: Boob Cake Age Limit

When planning a surprise party, a question many people have is, "when someone too old to get them a boob cake for his or her birthday?" It's safe to say the cutoff is about 25 years younger than this guy.

Possible exceptions to this rule include:
- if he's recently been release from prison
- after a nasty divorce
- if he's actually a manchild like Robin Williams in "Jack"

Let's hope it's one of those.

Party Hint: Wedding Guest Etiquette

Shirtless drunk arm-wrestling is usually fairly harmless. Unless you're like these guys, who are actually doing this at their friend's wedding reception (it's a little hard to tell from this single photo, but the it's from a whole set of wedding pictures). Which is pretty much a good guarantee that your buddy's new wife will never let him hang out with you guys again.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Home Brewed

I once watched an episode about home brewing on that show on the Food Network where the guy who looks like Thomas Dolby tells you all about how food is manufactured. The weird part about it was watching the guy drink the beer at the end and talk how much he loves beer. It was like when Martha Stewart drinks the cocktail recipes on her show. You know they're adults and probably enjoy a nice beer or cocktail, but something is so weird and unsettling about it.

It's freaky when nerds and old ladies are not just drinking, but talking about how great the booze is. It's like overhearing your coworkers poop in the office bathroom or something. You try to pretend that it's ok that we're all humans and we all poop, but really it's not.

Roofie Party

Jesus Christ, it's like triage in this limo. It's like someone set off a date-rape bomb.

This is the image that fathers everywhere are thinking of when they sit at home, polishing their shotguns, while their teenage daughters are at prom.